I’m not lonely

I’m not lonely…

I like sleeping alone…

On this big bed…

With no one to disturb me…

I’m not lonely…

I go for movies alone…

My popcorn’s mine to eat…

No one to whisper annoying gibberish into my ear!

I’m not lonely…

I like kids, from a distance…

I suppose they are cute when they aren’t creating a mess…

I don’t have to worry about the hormones and weight…

I’m not lonely…

I shop alone…

And I’m done in a jiffy…

Who wants to listen to what you think of this dress when you won’t be here to see it?

I’m not lonely…

I have books….

And music to lose myself in…

Till I nod off…

I’m not lonely…

So what if my mom’s the only one who’ll pick up my call every single time?

I am my best friend, I take care of me…

I swear…I am not lonely….


This is a shout out and a hug to anyone who is feeling lonely at this very moment. You are not alone. Loneliness is a global epidemic and it is not good for anyone to feel they have no one to talk to – so get out of your comfort zone and interact with other people! Go attend meet ups/go for plays/go to the gym/attend a hobby class…do something to break the ice and eventually – you will make friends. One of the best ways to make friends is to volunteer. :)

If you liked this post, make sure you click on the like button and subscribe to this blog if you would want to read my future ramblings! :)

Love,

Ladyhawk!!

P.S. Check out this book if you haven’t read it. It is a good one!!

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Your Photograph

Your photograph…

I kept it on my bedside table,

When true love seemed like reality…

And not something that you’d read about in a fable…

 

Your photograph,

It was my screensaver,

My wall paper,

Yes I was a starry eyed – gazer…

 

Your photograph…

Was in some old folder…

I’d open it when something reminded me of you…

I’m sure now you look much older…

 

Your photograph…

Is now in the trash can…

In tiny little pieces…

For you, are no longer my man!

 

Its the only way to move on…

To say goodbye to the things that remind me of you…

While I can’t erase the memories…

I can always get rid of…

Your photograph


Hey guys! If you liked this poem – hit the like button and subscribe to my blog and be a part of the fam!

I am also recommending stuff that I like so if you are into fiction try out this book by Erin Morgenstern. It is for those who love fantasy with a little bit of romance thrown it! Cheers – let me know what you think!

 

Before the beat drops

This is a work of fiction…


I was in the process of getting ready.

Ready for what, you may ask.

Ready to kill.

What? 

I am not a killer. Or maybe I am. That’s what all my jilted lovers said, anyway.


I sprayed on my perfume – my signature scent. If this didn’t make anyone go nuts – nothing would. It was a feminine scent with a hint of mystery and freshness. I wasn’t one of those women who was going to pretend to be above all of this. I liked pretty things. So what?

I inspected myself with a critical eye and smiled.

Time to kill.


I have a question for you….why do you think people go to bars? Pubs? Discos? Or ‘lounges’ which are bars but we like to call them by some other name to um appear to be cool or whatever it is that we like to do to show off.

I believe it is for a variety of reasons. For example – I could always spot the stressed out, married males on Friday nights. They’d have that weary look that only people who hate their jobs and their wives have. They came to zone out. 

And then there would be a gaggle of girls who would most probably be giggling away, ordering cheap cocktails in their itsy bitsy dresses. College kids, pretending to have a girls night out while most of them were secretly hoping for some cute guy to approach them. 

There would be an assortment of some middle aged people too at times – who would look like complete misfits with their bellies and double chins. All a part of the eco – system. They came to feel young and let their hair down before going back to the grind of grocery shopping and dropping their kids to school.

There would be the lone wolves – who would basically look super creepy and were potential sexual offenders.

And then the stags…they would be there in pairs…or groups of 2…3 or more. You could always spot the alpha in the group. He’d be the one who would be looking my way. 

But it didn’t matter. I went there for the music and the music alone. Anyone who wanted to talk to me would have a pretty tough time for I would have lost interest by the time the beat dropped.

Music was my escape…and dancing with a bunch of strangers in a room (and my room mate Naina) just made me feel like I was a part of a tribe but I wasn’t. I could do this alone, in my room…I didn’t need to smoke weed or drink a dozen shots to get high. Music was my drug…

You get me, don’t you?


 

Hey guys! If you liked this story – hit the like button and subscribe to my blog and be a part of the fam!

I am also recommending stuff that I like so if you are into fiction try out this book by Erin Morgenstern. It is for those who love fantasy with a little bit of romance thrown it! Cheers – let me know what you think!

Missing

You are missing from me…

I wish I could make you see…

That every place with you in it..felt like home…

And now I can’t find it…no matter where I roam…

I miss everything…

Your smile…your big, honest eyes…

I wonder if you miss me like I do…

These feelings are misting up my eyes…

I miss talking to you about the things that I love…

I miss ranting about the things that I hate…

I miss being your rock and talking sense into you…

And being there for each other when our hearts were about to break…

I miss drinking with you…

Listening to lame pop music on a loop…

I miss our random plans…

And how we could chase away each other’s blues…

I deeply regret how things ended…

In my own way I tried to mend it…

After so long I am scared that you forgot me…

For you were one of the the few who really got me…


Hey guys! If you liked this poem – hit the like button and subscribe to my blog and be a part of the fam!

I am also recommending stuff that I like so if you are into fiction try out this book by Richard Bach – another personal favorite that talks about having faith in yourself, the importance of forgiveness and that being persistent pays off.

Winter is Coming….Hahaha

If you haven’t seen the latest season of GOT – don’t read this!

I thought the third episode was…well….it was….(deep sigh) damn annoying!!

————–

Winter is coming, they said…

Hyped up the fear of the dead…

All I saw was the Night King beaming…

I was looking forward to more beheadings and screaming…

smiling

When did Dany become so uncool…

And what was up with Theon, running towards the Night King like a fool?

Bran’s blank stare was getting to be a bore…

And they ended it with with a girl who was in the process of settling a score…

dead king

I was laughing out of frustration…

For seven seasons they built up our expecations…

Of how the white walkers were the baddest of them all…

Who gets the Iron Throne now – let’s see where the chips will fall…

cersei

I personally am tired of Cersei and her smirk…

And of how creepy Varys is, in every shadow you’ll see him lurk…

But I don’t see Jon and Dany having a happy ever after…

I hope the ending of this season doesn’t result in more frustrated laughter…


Sincerely,

Ladyhawk

 

 

I want to…

Someday,

I want to…

I want to write a book…

About love…an ‘eternal’ love story…

I may even throw in a crook…

And make the readers hate him…

Berate him…

I want to write from my heart…

And make you feel the way it does…

When the lovers in question are apart…

I want to make you writhe…

In agony and pain…

I want my words to make you ask…

The author to show some restraint…

Someday I want to…

I really want to write something that will touch your soul…

And if it makes you wistful and sentimental…

I would have achieved my goal…

Someday, I really want to!

 

 

Malady – Part 3

For Part 1 – Click Here.

For Part 2 – Click Here.


The last couple of weeks had been awful.

I’d been on dates with 3 different men. All of them were nice and sweet and not afraid of being vulnerable and….hey…they were not like you.

That was good, right? RIGHT?

I’d gone for my dance lesson today. Have you ever tried to learn how to waltz? I was always an old soul, a lover of things from the past…there was something in me that loved this particular dance form…the feeling of being relaxed and at ease…not the awful twerking stuff that was trending these days…

My partner, till today, was an old gentleman in his 70’s..today he wasn’t there and this guy called Andy took his place…time flew by and I didn’t even realize what was happening till I found both of us breathing heavily, staring into each other’s eyes once the music faded away.

Then I saw this peculiar light in Andy’s eyes and I felt a little uneasy. I knew that light. He liked me. He offered to walk me home, but I declined. He hid his disappointment well and said he hoped to see me next week.

I walked home in a daze and opened my cupboard. There it was hanging, the beautiful black dress that I had brought to celebrate our anniversary. I took it out and tried it on.

To my dismay I didn’t like it anymore. It fit well, the black color made my pale skin almost shine – just the way you liked it.

But I no longer liked it. I could smell Andy’s perfume on me. I liked that.

And as tears streamed down my face I realized that I no longer liked you. That scared me. I’d been so engrossed in missing you that I didn’t know what to do when I was finally done doing it. It sucked because it meant it was truly over.

I removed the dress and threw it in the trash can.

I couldn’t believe it, but I was over this malady.

 

 

Malady – Part 2

For Part 1 – Click here


I have to say, don’t ever love so intensely or so deeply that it consumes you. If it is consuming you, it is probably BAD for you. Let me spell it out again – B.A.D.

My friends envied me when they saw him. And us.

Apparently the sparks were so strong you could see them from a mile off.

You know how that feeling is like, right?

We could be in a room full of people and whenever our eyes would meet, for that one brief second it was as if we were alone. Yes, it sounds silly but trust me – it was exactly like this.

I had to forcefully tear my gaze off you. I had to stop being jealous of everyone you spoke to or smiled at.

We’d sneak away and exchange kisses in a corner where we thought no one was watching and giggle, like two naughty teenagers. You’d deliberately slather me with red wine and laugh when my cheeks would turn red with all the excitement.


To my horror, I realized I was smiling at all of these memories.

I’d promised myself that I would not think about it but the brain is a funny organ. A sadist. It will never do what it promises to. So every day, for a couple of minutes I would allow myself to reminisce and then, for the rest of the day I would be on auto – pilot – keeping myself super busy and occupied.

But what had taken a hit most of all was my self esteem. You know what I mean. There you are – happy and content. Not looking for anyone and anything.

Wham!

Someone comes in your life, leaves a mess behind and makes you wonder –

‘What did I lack? Wasn’t I pretty enough? Was I boring? Was I not successful enough?’

And the worst of all: ‘Didn’t I deserve the respect of being offered an explanation?’

But I knew, deep inside that time…..a lot of time would be the best cure for this malady. Only, it wasn’t working.


To be continued…………..

 

 

 

Malady – Part 1

Disclaimers first – this is a work of fiction.

 


 

I lay in my bed for a long, long time.

I did not know the difference between day and night.

My eyes would open when they were tired of being shut.

And they shut when they hurt from all the crying.

I heard the sound of a siren and jumped out of my skin. I rushed from my bed to the window, my heart hoping it was you. It had to be. HAD TO BE.

The police car whizzed by in a blur, just the way you did.


You are beautiful….I can’t believe this.’

I could remember that night so clearly, the night when I realized that I was gone. Gone – man – GONE!

You ran your hands through my hair and kissed me, murmuring sweet nothings into my ear. My flimsy satin dress was flying up and there I was, holding on to it with both hands to keep it down while you devoured my lips like a hungry beast.


I was sitting on the edge of the window of your hotel’s balcony – we were so high up that I could barely see the ground. I should have been scared but I wasn’t.

No, with you I could be wild, impulsive and free.

You sat down next to me and we kissed for what felt like hours, your hands holding me tight. Your big, manly hands which made me feel so safe.

I could feel my heart racing, so could you…for you placed your hand on my chest and laughed mockingly at how fast it was pounding.

We looked into each other’s eyes…a rare intimate moment…the intensity was so sizzling I couldn’t bear it.

I traced my fingers around your jawline…around your scar which you proudly claimed was won during a nasty knife fight with a felon. You thought it was ugly but I loved it. I loved that smile that you had but it made me feel afraid. It was a smile of victory for you knew you’d conquered me and it scared the shit out of me.

But you had managed to break through all my walls…and the feeling of being so vulnerable made me giddy.

When I felt your lips on my neck I knew I was in trouble.


Trouble all right.

I shook my head, forcibly stopping myself from reminiscing.

I wish now, I could find a way to fight this malady…

 

To be continued……………

 

 

 

 

 

 

Who am I to you?

Am I anything at all…To you?

Do I mean something to you…Or not?

I haven’t heard from you in so long…

So it’s safe to assume that you forgot…

 

Sometimes I really want to hate you…

Like now, I’m nearly there…

It eats me up from inside…

To know how little you care…

 

You’d be fine if we never meet,

Again…

And I’ll be dying from the very thought of it…

And the pain…

 

You used to like the attention…

You used to like being adored…

But somewhere down the line…

I guess you got a little bored…

 

While I struggle with these feelings…

And try to think straight…

You’re probably thinking of someone else…

Or out on a date…

 

Who am I to you?

The answer is not one I want to hear…

But to you I’m nothing…

That’s the only thing that’s clear…