Bloodmoon

She is a creature of the night…beautiful and dangerous…she’s been hunting for her soulmate and she finds him…but he’s not the same…alas!!


Bloodmoon…the time when passions surge…

You know its futile to suppress this growing urge…

To make you mine, once and for all…

These plans of mine, I will not stall…

You are mine, I claim this right…

I will make my move tonight…

Kiss you under the milky way,

Stay with you till the break of day…

With the first ray of sunlight I’ll flee…

But rest assured I’ll be thinking of thee…

And I will make you pine for me…

I like how I can make your eyes shine for me…

I know what I want, I get what I desire…

I know how to set your heart on fire…

And when darkness sets I’ll be by your side…

Your hidden secret, your vampire bride.

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Plastic Packaging

Let’s face it. We need to stop using plastics. We need to care about our environment and adding to the millions and millions tonnes of non bio – degradable waste isn’t helping.

Watch this. Educate yourselves. Spread the word.

I claim no rights to the video.

Over and out,

Ladyhawk!

Revenge – Part 3

This is a work of fiction. I swear.

For part 1 click here.

For part 2 click here.


I waited till it was 2 in the morning. I parked a few blocks away from his house and took a deep breath…I was in a dingy lane with no street lights. I reached out under my seat and took out the steering lock. It was old,heavy and rusting –  a hand-me-down from my father who thought I could use it when I was driving home late from work.

What a joke. My father did not know that I had a gun. And that I was a pretty good shot. Nope, the less he knew the better. See, I had inherited his foul temper and a gun in a hot- head’s hands is never a good idea.

Why was I talking about guns? Was I going to shoot this chump? Nope. Like I said, I didn’t intend to go to jail for a person like him. It wasn’t worth it.

I put a scarf around my face, covering it completely apart from my eyes and my hoodie on top. I was quite sure no would recognize me. I walked up to his apartment complex. Complex…it was more like a stand alone building which should have gone for redevelopment a few years ago. It was a miracle that it hadn’t collapsed so far.

The watchman was snoring at his post…like always. I carefully went over to the side and chuckled. There it was, the same hole in the wall…through which he used to smuggle me in. But I wasn’t going to crawl. Nope. Like a boss, I climbed over the wall (it was barely like 4 feet) and made my way to the back, where his apartment was.

I wasn’t sure if the building had any security cameras…looking at the shape it was in I doubted it. I stood outside his bathroom and sure enough, I could hear the shower running. He was always one for taking long baths. I held on to the iron tightly, a wave of anticipation rushed over my entire body.

I walked a couple of steps towards his kitchen window and gave it a little push.

He never bothered locking up. His logic was, there was nothing worth stealing. I climbed into his kitchen, quite pleased with myself.

I turned around and then gasped.


His place looked terrible. He’d always been a bit untidy but this was something else…dishes were piled in the sink and by the look of it, no one had washed them for a few days. There were old pizza and burger boxes stacked untidily in a corner. I steered clear of them, the odor from them would have knocked out anyone with a strong sense of smell.

I walked into his bedroom, which was in a similar state. His guitar was lying in a corner, gathering dust. A dozen odd whiskey bottles were strewn on a table and …’ What the…’

I picked up a packet with what I knew very well was heroin. Don’t ask me how. I heard his bathroom door open and I scrambled and hid behind an old wooden cupboard.


I could see him, from where I was hiding. See him all too well.

He’d lost weight. A lot of it and not in a good way.

He sat down on his bed and poured himself a drink. And then another. And a third. And then he reached out for the heroin packet. I closed my eyes, not wanting to see the state that he had reduced himself to. I waited for twenty more minutes to the point where was sprawled on the bed, snoring gently.

Loosening my grip on the iron, I walked over to where he was sleeping. His arms had marks all over them, he evidently had been using for quite a while.

Suddenly I felt pity and oh I don’t know…sad? This was after all someone who I had loved and to see like this…I left the same way I had crept in to his house.

When I finally sat inside my car, I started crying. What an idiot I was. I cried and cried and cried. I felt angry at myself, for trespassing and invading his privacy. I felt sad at seeing what he had become. And also, I felt guilty that karma had finally caught up with him. In a terrible way.

Revenge…what revenge…he needed help. I would call up a mutual friend and tell him to get him checked into rehab. That’s all that I could do. That’s all I would do.

I started my car and drove back home. Something inside had changed. Maybe all the hurt and anger had subsided. Hopefully for good. I’d been holding on to this for too long and it had almost turned me into a what…an intruder? Someone violent? Maybe more? I didn’t want to think about the monster inside me.

Not good. I shook my head. Things had to change. But for now, I could do with a good night’s sleep.


 

Worry About This

Sorry to disturb you from your bliss,

But I think you need to worry about this…

Humanity is divided, when will we learn?

Is there any joy in watching each other burn?

Don’t feel like watching the news…

Looks like every one is going to blow a fuse…

Gimme a break, I want out…

What the fuck is the fuss all about?

Our polar ice is melting,

In other parts of the world its sweltering…

And some people say global warming’s a farce,

They need a kick up their arse.

Genocide’s on the rise…

But the world turns a blind eye…

First it was the Jews, now its the Kurds…

And all we are is a bunch of turds.

Human – trafficking, rape and murder…

She said ‘TIME’S UP’ and I hope you heard her…

Madmen on the loose, threats of nuclear war…

I guess humanity hasn’t come very far…

Driven by greed, we suppress and oppress,

Creating an even bigger mess…

I wish we could all just get along,

With love, we could be so very strong…

But all we do is hate and hate and hate…

We need to change…before it is too late…


 

Don’t think you are better than anyone because of the color of your skin…or your religion or which language you speak, which country you belong to. Remember when you die – you’ll be alone. You came into this world alone. Just like everyone else. 

Teach your children the meaning of respect – for others and EMPATHY for fucks sake. Empathy spans across all this shit which is the very reason why the entire world is in chaos right now. Open your eyes – and choose to be kind and oh – not so judgmental of people who act differently, dress differently and think or speak differently. We are all human. We are made of the same components – oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, calcium, and phosphorus.

Get the EFF over yourself and help to make this planet a better place for your kids and grand kids to live in.

Peace out,

A rather fed – up ladyhawk

 

 

 

 

Revenge – Part 2

For part 1 click here.


I followed him for 15 – 20 minutes and as I did I realized two things. One, this was a familiar route. I’d walked down this path, many times with him…many years ago which meant he was still staying in his dinky excuse of an apartment.

Back when we were kids it wasn’t so bad, but now…I smirked to myself. At least I’d moved up in life, even if he hadn’t.

The second thing I realized was that since I knew he still stayed at the same place, there was no need for me to follow him…I needed to go home and think.

I stopped abruptly in my tracks and turned around. I walked all the way to my car and put the AC on full blast. This hot head needed to cool down first.

After a few minutes, I allowed my mind to wander back to him. I winced. Again, that stupid pain in my chest. I swear, I could give my self a heart attack just by thinking about shit like this.

I still hated him. Oh how I hated him.

But what did I want to do about it? What could I do about it?

There were a lot of erratic thoughts running through my head. Some of them involved taking a cricket bat and breaking into his home and wrecking everything to breaking a few of his bones.

Physical violence. I took a deep breath. That was a new low. To despise someone to the point where you wanted to see them bleed. And not literally.

I dismissed that thought from my head. I wasn’t going to do something like that, even though I really, really wanted to.

An old memory flashed through my mind, the sight of him on top of his colleague from work, in that very apartment… one day after we had celebrated our first year anniversary. Surprise!

I’d flown into  rage then, but he hadn’t faced it…no. I had a mini meltdown in a shady alley behind his house and then I’d walked home in a daze – never to hear from him again.

A part of me wondered…why didn’t I ever go back to his house? Why didn’t I accost him? Why didn’t I do anything? Why didn’t I slap the shit out of that whore?

I guess I was in shock. Believe me, I was. I’d spent like a week crying in bed and then I switched off….and started working my ass off so that I didn’t have time to think about him. Your cliched heart – broken girl. What a joke. He never tried to contact me. And I never asked why.

What could I do? What should I do?

I knew what I would do. I knew what I needed. I slowly turned my car around, in the direction of his house. He wasn’t going to like this one bit.


To be continued….

Revenge – Part 1

This is a work of fiction.

—————

They say you should be careful about who you rub the wrong way. The world is small, and you can bump into someone you hurt or wronged and then, karma won’t be the only one that sorts you out.

Look at me for instance. I was walking on Sunshine Boulevard, minding my business. It was a hot day, sweat was actually pouring down my face and in a long, long time I was feeling good. Maybe it was because of the extra pounds that I had shed. I looked and felt good.

So here I was, having a great day. I happened to look across the street and I saw him. Oh don’t even ask me for his name. I’d met him many, many years ago and he’d broken my heart to the point of no repair. I’d blamed him for my cynicism and overall negative outlook for many years later on in life till I forgot about him…time does that. It helps you to forget. So then why the efff was time shoving him into my face again?

I felt my blood boil. Hate. That’s what I felt. I was surprised at myself. I thought I had dealt with all the anger but nope, it was still stuck somewhere deep inside.

He was sitting alone on a bench, fiddling with his mobile. One of the qualities which I absolutely hated in him.

There were a thousand questions I wanted to ask him. Why did you leave? Why did you lie and cheat? Why did you vanish over night without a goodbye or an explanation? Why did you abandon me?

But I didn’t want to hear the answers. No, I wanted to hurt him.

He got up and started walking. In two minutes I would lose sight of him.

‘Not happening’, I muttered to myself. I zipped up my jacket, put my hoodie on and followed him. A strange thrill swept through my body, the thrill of doing something I shouldn’t be doing. I smiled. This was going to be good.


To be continued…

 

Be Safe

I’ve written about this before…and I will write about this again.

It is great that women all over the world are coming out regarding sexual assault and misconduct. It is a sad and depressing thing…especially when it concerns people who one may admire like celebrities, film stars, athletes and politicians. However, why is it no surprise? People with power and money often abuse it.

Metoo

People all around the world are coming together to stand united and state that this kind of stuff is no longer going to be tolerated…whether that will actually come true or not…let’s hope for the best.

Which is why women need to learn how to look after themselves, stand up for themselves, stand up for other women and I’m sorry to say this, have a little bit of common sense.

When I’m talking about common sense I’m talking about things like not putting yourself in danger. Which means:

  • Don’t get into a cab alone if you are drunk and about to pass out. I know, you have a right to be drunk and you have a right to pass out any where you want but it makes you vulnerable to assault and that’s just not right.
  • Don’t go home with that creepy stranger you just met at the bar. And don’t EVER accept drinks which have been opened from a stranger – ever heard of date rape drugs? A free drink isn’t worth it. You are better than that.
  • Don’t drive on that stretch of road which isn’t well-lit. If there is an alternate route, take it. Needless to say – don’t give lifts to strangers
  • Learn some self-defense.
  • Learn how to use pepper spray. Buy one first.
  • Learn how to give share your GPS location with a loved one when you are in a car. Don’t get too chatty with the cab driver. He’s a stranger, he can mind his own business.
  • Be vigilant when you are in an elevator.
  • Be VERY careful when you are in a parking lot, especially at night.
  • Be careful about who you let into your house, whether it is the plumber or carpenter or the delivery guy, keep your eyes and ears open. As much as possible, don’t let too many people in.
  • Don’t post too many photos of your children online, and if you do – make sure only close friends and family have access to this information. You seriously do not want pedophiles to get to know when they live – do you?
  • Monitor your children’s internet usage. A lot of predators sit online – and you better be clued up.
  • If you are at a party, job interview or in any other situation where your GUT is screaming GET OUT, do me a favor and get out. Your instinct will usually turn out to be right.

All of us have faced some sort of harassment or assault throughout our lives. Our only crime? It is that we are women.

It maybe something like a delivery man ‘innocently’ touching your fingers when you pay him, someone whistling or breaking into a song when you walk past them on the road to people following you home, stalking you online and much worse.

My suggestion – wherever possible, report the offence. These guys (and in the case where women are guilty of misconduct) and women need to be locked up. Don’t stay silent – you have nothing to be ashamed about.

Be safe.

 

 

Being human

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How do you stand tall?

How do you not fall?

How do you still hope?

How do you manage to cope?

How do you forgive…

Those who took away your reason to live?

How do you still love?

Have faith in the one above?

How do you persevere?

Manage to spread cheer?

How can you be so kind…

I wonder if you are blind!

How do you still dream?

When your nightmares still make you scream?

How do you believe…

When you still have so much to grieve…

How do you do it…tell me…

How can you set yourself free?

Is this what it is to be human?

Will I finally feel like a new man?

 

 

 

Mercy

In response to today’s Daily Prompt – Mercy, I will be writing a small story.


Rosanne looked at her watch. He was late again.

She went to the ladies room and locked herself in one of the stalls, trying to brush back angry tears. Oh, she couldn’t afford to cry, for her mascara would run and ruin at least half an hour of hard work.

She’d been looking forward to seeing him for many weeks now.

‘I’m an emotional fool who will never learn’, she muttered to herself.

She’d grown tired of the cat and mouse game that she was playing with Todd. Todd was a handsome, intelligent man…he was a man’s man and not one of those lovesick puppies she encountered on a frequent basis. But he knew he was a catch and he probably was dating a few women on the side.

After a few minutes, she walked out. There was no sight of him in the restaurant. She called for the bill and left.

Her heart felt sad, because she knew they would have been good for each other. But when the time isn’t right…even your soul mate will not be able to recognize you.

<A month later…>

 

Todd was standing at the altar, sweat trickling down his neck. The tuxedo suffocated him. He could feel at least five sets of eyes staring at him with hostility.

Blasted bridesmaids. Rosanne had probably warned them about him.

He looked at his best friend, the groom, who looked like he was going to burst with happiness. Todd sighed, surprised at the twinge of envy he felt

The bride walked in with the maid of honor, and he swallowed nervously. Rosanne.

Swallowed? He probably looked like a fish, gulping down air.

Throughout the wedding ceremony he tried to keep his eyes averted from Rosanne’s. She looked beautiful. He cursed himself for not showing up that day. Women like that didn’t come along more than once or twice in a life time. But he liked being a free bird…didn’t he? He looked at the shining faces of the bride and groom. Maybe being tied down wasn’t too bad…

The bride and groom exchanged their vows and kissed, hand in hand they walked towards the reception area…oblivious of the world around them.

Inadvertently, he looked at Rosanne’s face. She gave him a cool glance and looked away.

He walked towards her, only to see her being pulled away by another man. She turned around to give him a sad smile and walked away.

‘God have mercy on me’, he muttered to himself ,‘ I need to make this right’. 


 

 

To the Sixteen year old me

Sixteen year old me…

Why do I smile sadly when I think of her?

A little flame that burned bright…

And eyes that always had light…

 

Sixteen year old me…

Loved music and books,

Maybe she should have focused on her looks…

But she was still a child.

 

Sixteen year old me…

Was too shy to talk to strangers…

Social anxiety my old friend,

I see you still are with me.

 

Sixteen year old me…

Was impulsive, unaware of the danger…

Of what opening my heart to love would mean…

But all I could do was wonder what could have been…

 

Sixteen year old me…

Knew what it was to truly love freely…

She could comprehend his fragile masculinity…

But only from a distance…for he was out of her league…

 

Sixteen year old me…

Didn’t know what the years ahead had in store…

Would they change her to the core…

Would she live up to what she thought she would be?

 

I had dreams…I had ambition…

I worked hard…harder than the rest…

I wanted to be the best…ace every test…

Did I try too hard? Hard enough?

 

I never fit in…I was a loner…

The cool kids stayed away from me…

‘She’s a geek, she’s such a bore…’

I heard those words more and more…

 

Kids can be pretty cruel you see…

They’ll make fun of you for having acne…

Or for a scar on your forehead that’s unsightly…

So you cut your hair so that they can no longer see…You try to hide what you think is ugly…

 

Sixteen year old me…

She had dignity…

She did what was right,

And when people hurt her, she hid it well…while she secretly cried at night…

 

She had a friend or two…

Her mother’s love made up for the rest…

Sixteen year old me…

She really did try her best.

 


 

This is a draft version of this attempt at poetry or whatever else one can call it…I could write more but I don’t know, I got a bit sentimental when I was writing this. This is one of the most heartfelt posts I have written in a while.

I don’t know if I changed for the better, but I feel that somewhere down the line I let myself down. The good news is I still have plenty of time to make things right. Do I regret anything…not really. Everything that happens in life happens to teach us something and we should learn from it. I have learnt things the hard way, unfortunately.

I was camera shy when I was 16. I thought I was ugly. I was a little chubby and I had this big dent in my forehead (i was born with it and it became more pronounced when I grew up). I was teased about it dreadfully in school to the point where I cut my hair and got a fringe to cover it when I turned 17. I am a Sikh and we aren’t really supposed to cut our hair. Back in the day, I was pretty religious so this was a big step for me. But it didn’t stop the teasing.

I always get really uncomfortable if someone shares/puts up photos of mine from my teens since my dent is visible and I struggled for a long time with being confident about my looks (I always looked grumpy in the photos) but no longer. I want to apologize to my younger self for not being more confident. Yes, cutting my hair made me look better but I will not be ashamed of the way God made me.

I was a shy kid – I still am shy though I can occasionally strike up a conversation with a stranger if I feel I am in a safe environment. Yeah, go figure. God has made me this way. :/

I hope in the years ahead I can be more like what I was when I was 16. Hard working, ethical, loving, quirky, kind and steadfast. I wasn’t perfect. No. I had quite a temper. But no one is perfect.

Over and out,

Ladyhawk