Being human

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How do you stand tall?

How do you not fall?

How do you still hope?

How do you manage to cope?

How do you forgive…

Those who took away your reason to live?

How do you still love?

Have faith in the one above?

How do you persevere?

Manage to spread cheer?

How can you be so kind…

I wonder if you are blind!

How do you still dream?

When your nightmares still make you scream?

How do you believe…

When you still have so much to grieve…

How do you do it…tell me…

How can you set yourself free?

Is this what it is to be human?

Will I finally feel like a new man?

 

 

 

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Mercy

In response to today’s Daily Prompt – Mercy, I will be writing a small story.


Rosanne looked at her watch. He was late again.

She went to the ladies room and locked herself in one of the stalls, trying to brush back angry tears. Oh, she couldn’t afford to cry, for her mascara would run and ruin at least half an hour of hard work.

She’d been looking forward to seeing him for many weeks now.

‘I’m an emotional fool who will never learn’, she muttered to herself.

She’d grown tired of the cat and mouse game that she was playing with Todd. Todd was a handsome, intelligent man…he was a man’s man and not one of those lovesick puppies she encountered on a frequent basis. But he knew he was a catch and he probably was dating a few women on the side.

After a few minutes, she walked out. There was no sight of him in the restaurant. She called for the bill and left.

Her heart felt sad, because she knew they would have been good for each other. But when the time isn’t right…even your soul mate will not be able to recognize you.

<A month later…>

 

Todd was standing at the altar, sweat trickling down his neck. The tuxedo suffocated him. He could feel at least five sets of eyes staring at him with hostility.

Blasted bridesmaids. Rosanne had probably warned them about him.

He looked at his best friend, the groom, who looked like he was going to burst with happiness. Todd sighed, surprised at the twinge of envy he felt

The bride walked in with the maid of honor, and he swallowed nervously. Rosanne.

Swallowed? He probably looked like a fish, gulping down air.

Throughout the wedding ceremony he tried to keep his eyes averted from Rosanne’s. She looked beautiful. He cursed himself for not showing up that day. Women like that didn’t come along more than once or twice in a life time. But he liked being a free bird…didn’t he? He looked at the shining faces of the bride and groom. Maybe being tied down wasn’t too bad…

The bride and groom exchanged their vows and kissed, hand in hand they walked towards the reception area…oblivious of the world around them.

Inadvertently, he looked at Rosanne’s face. She gave him a cool glance and looked away.

He walked towards her, only to see her being pulled away by another man. She turned around to give him a sad smile and walked away.

‘God have mercy on me’, he muttered to himself ,‘ I need to make this right’. 


 

 

To the Sixteen year old me

Sixteen year old me…

Why do I smile sadly when I think of her?

A little flame that burned bright…

And eyes that always had light…

 

Sixteen year old me…

Loved music and books,

Maybe she should have focused on her looks…

But she was still a child.

 

Sixteen year old me…

Was too shy to talk to strangers…

Social anxiety my old friend,

I see you still are with me.

 

Sixteen year old me…

Was impulsive, unaware of the danger…

Of what opening my heart to love would mean…

But all I could do was wonder what could have been…

 

Sixteen year old me…

Knew what it was to truly love freely…

She could comprehend his fragile masculinity…

But only from a distance…for he was out of her league…

 

Sixteen year old me…

Didn’t know what the years ahead had in store…

Would they change her to the core…

Would she live up to what she thought she would be?

 

I had dreams…I had ambition…

I worked hard…harder than the rest…

I wanted to be the best…ace every test…

Did I try too hard? Hard enough?

 

I never fit in…I was a loner…

The cool kids stayed away from me…

‘She’s a geek, she’s such a bore…’

I heard those words more and more…

 

Kids can be pretty cruel you see…

They’ll make fun of you for having acne…

Or for a scar on your forehead that’s unsightly…

So you cut your hair so that they can no longer see…You try to hide what you think is ugly…

 

Sixteen year old me…

She had dignity…

She did what was right,

And when people hurt her, she hid it well…while she secretly cried at night…

 

She had a friend or two…

Her mother’s love made up for the rest…

Sixteen year old me…

She really did try her best.

 


 

This is a draft version of this attempt at poetry or whatever else one can call it…I could write more but I don’t know, I got a bit sentimental when I was writing this. This is one of the most heartfelt posts I have written in a while.

I don’t know if I changed for the better, but I feel that somewhere down the line I let myself down. The good news is I still have plenty of time to make things right. Do I regret anything…not really. Everything that happens in life happens to teach us something and we should learn from it. I have learnt things the hard way, unfortunately.

I was camera shy when I was 16. I thought I was ugly. I was a little chubby and I had this big dent in my forehead (i was born with it and it became more pronounced when I grew up). I was teased about it dreadfully in school to the point where I cut my hair and got a fringe to cover it when I turned 17. I am a Sikh and we aren’t really supposed to cut our hair. Back in the day, I was pretty religious so this was a big step for me. But it didn’t stop the teasing.

I always get really uncomfortable if someone shares/puts up photos of mine from my teens since my dent is visible and I struggled for a long time with being confident about my looks (I always looked grumpy in the photos) but no longer. I want to apologize to my younger self for not being more confident. Yes, cutting my hair made me look better but I will not be ashamed of the way God made me.

I was a shy kid – I still am shy though I can occasionally strike up a conversation with a stranger if I feel I am in a safe environment. Yeah, go figure. God has made me this way. :/

I hope in the years ahead I can be more like what I was when I was 16. Hard working, ethical, loving, quirky, kind and steadfast. I wasn’t perfect. No. I had quite a temper. But no one is perfect.

Over and out,

Ladyhawk

 

 

Aleyna Tilki – Sen Olsan Bari

I came across this video when I watched one of the react videos by the Fine Brothers Entertainment channel. The only Turkish artist I knew of was Tarkan, but she’s pretty interesting too. I liked the video as well. And Turkish women are beautiful or what?

I also liked the fact that the translation is there in this particular video.

I claim no rights to the video/song. Sharing as a fan.

Enjoy!!

Havana – Camila Cabello

I don’t know why but this song has been stuck in my head ever since I heard it. I like her voice. Lyrics are in the video.

Sharing as a fan. I claim no rights to this song.

Going Green

A few weeks ago, I’d promised to write about how we can contribute to preserving the environment in small ways…realistic ways…here are some suggestions which do not require a lot of investment but are easy to do and eco-friendly.

  1. Carpool. I know, I know it is a bit of a drag but it means fewer cars on the road and hey, it will be cheaper on your pocket as well! Uber etc. have this facility. Otherwise you can gang up with a few of your colleagues who live in the neighbourhood and take turns driving.
  2. Use cloth/jute bags instead of plastic bags for shopping. Even when you go shopping, carry a shopping bag with you and bring back less plastic back home.
  3. Buy houseplants. Keep them wherever possible. Caring for plants is therapeutic. It gives you a sense of purpose and pride to see something flourish. And also – it is good for the environment. If you have friends or neighbours – share a cutting of the plant with them! Grow your own veggies if you have space!
  4. Gift a plant to people. Believe me, it is a good gift. These days you can get some nice, fancy plant holders in which you can grow your plants (in case you do not want to come across as too cheap).
  5. Conserve water at home. Please remember that while you may think its harmless to have the tap running continuously when you are washing dishes/brushing your teeth/taking a shower this isn’t the case. Switch off the shower/tap when you really don’t need it. Be mindful of how much water you use.
  6. Start paying your bills online. I’m referring to your electricity, internet, mobile bill. Opt out of receiving paper bills and pay them online. File your taxes online AND
  7. Start reading online newspapers. I know, you like the feel of a newspaper in your hands early in the morning but think of all the trees which had to be cut to make them in the first place!
  8. Stop buying bottled water and carry a water bottle with you instead. Most packaged water is stored in plastic bottles. See my point? Get yourself a bottle made out of stainless steel (better than glass since it won’t break) and USE it over and over again instead of buying bottled water and adding to the huge mass of plastic waste that cannot be recycled.
  9. Turn off your lights! Yes – I’m talking about instances when you are sitting in your room and the lights in all the other rooms are on! Stop this bad habit. Every time you exit a room, switch off all unnecessary lights etc that are not required. You save energy in this process.
  10. Opt for organic food/energy conscious transport. If you can afford it, do it. Encouraging environment conscious organizations is a step forward in promoting them and discouraging those that aren’t.

Hugs! Share, if you care.

Ladyhawk

Man Vs Earth

I’m sorry if I am beginning to sound like an activist these days but I do feel strongly about saving our planet so that our grand kids and great grand kids don’t curse us for destroying their home.

Watch this video. Give it a thought. Spread the word. Go green.

Reposting as a fan. I claim no rights to this video.

Let’s talk about Genocide

Every one talks about WW2 with horror. Innumerable pictures of the concentration camps have left people appalled by the atrocities that the Nazis committed.

And yet, once again – we don’t seem to learn from history. No, we let things happen and once they happen – once its too late…we decide to step in. We. The world. Let’s give ourselves a hand of applause for fucking things up BIG time.

Let’s talk about the Yazidis. Who are they? Quoting from Wikipedia:

The Yazidis or Yezidis are a Kurdish religious minority or an ethno-religious group indigenous to northern Mesopotamia (see also Ezidkhan) who are strictly endogamous. Their religion, Yazidism is linked to ancient Mesopotamian religions and combines aspects of ZoroastrianismIslamChristianity and Judaism. They live primarily in the Nineveh Province of Iraq. Additional communities in Armenia, Georgia, Turkey, Iran, and Syria have been in decline since the 1990s as a result of significant migration to Europe, especially to Germany. 

Beginning in August 2014, the Yazidis were targeted by the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant in its campaign to “purify” Iraq and its neighbouring countries of non-Islamic influences.

Purify. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

While thousands of Yazidi men and young boys are either dead or missing, the crimes against women are horrific. Daily beatings/rape. Imagine someone doing that to you. Wouldn’t it break your spirit? Maybe you’d want to kill yourself. Imagine the anger, the hurt, the fear, the rage. And above it all, the gross INJUSTICE of it all. Makes my blood boil.

More people need to be made aware of this. While the UN (A failed establishment in my opinion) is ‘supposedly’ trying to investigate this and bring perpetrators to justice…I wonder how many of them will actually be caught and punished. How long will it take? Will they be killed or given life imprisonment? Will all of them be caught?

I watched an interview where one of the lawyers said that crimes against the Yazidis should be treated as a ‘genocide’ since it would mean that they would be recognized as a community, different from others. What a horrible way to be recognized, first of all. And talk about intolerance. Its spreading across the world like an epidemic.

Be thankful for your freedom. Be thankful for the little things in life…even if you don’t have much…you have a lot more than millions and millions of people on this planet and in that regard, you are fortunate.

For now – watch this. Educate yourself. Spread the word. More people should be talking about this.

Spread the word. Justice is required and on an urgent basis.

Over and out.

Ladyhawk

Ice Stupas in Ladakh, India

Global warming is not a myth. Ignorance cannot be argued with though. The world around us is changing and Mother Earth is sending us PLENTY of warning signals to help her out.

I came across this video and decided to share it. Not sure if the Science behind it will be practical in the long run…but it seems to be innovative. People in Ladakh created artificial glaciers so that they could have water during a few critical months (spring to be precise).

Share, if you care. Go green. Every small step matters. I will write a more detailed article about this later on.

Hugs!

Ladyhawk

Perspective

I can’t live like this…’

Melanie’s voice cracked as she spoke to her friend, Nisha. It was 1 AM Indian standard time, daytime in the US, where Mel lived. Nisha was half asleep, struggling to keep her eyes open.

‘There there…what’s the problem?’ Nisha suppressed one of her many sighs as she anticipated half an hour of wailing to continue. She was right.

‘I had to leave my bungalow and shift into an apartment complex! AN APARTMENT COMPLEX. I feel so suffocated, I open a window and there are no green spaces…just buildings all around me. I live in a concrete jungle!’

Noreen rolled her eyes. Concrete jungle, AKA the most expensive apartment complex in that city.

Noreen felt a drop of water land on her forehead. She squinted, searching for her glasses in the dim, flickering yellow light. The only light that worked in her bedroom.

‘Damn!’ she muttered, ignoring Melanie’s rants but supporting them with occasional hmms and mmms…the roof was leaking again. The sad part of living on the top floor in Mumbai during the monsoon. But it was the only flat that she got. Single people, especially single women didn’t have much of a choice, if you were lucky enough to get a house in a decent locality, you’d better take it, leaky roof or not.

‘And my maid didn’t come yesterday! I had to wash all the dishes myself and ANDREW wanted me to cook! Can you believe it? He thinks we don’t need a maid, we should cook ourselves? I’ve never had to enter the kitchen in my entire life.’ 

‘Can’t you hire a part time maid for the days she doesn’t come?’ Nisha muttered absent mindedly.

Melanie pretended not to have heard her ,’AND so I cooked, I almost cut my finger and chipped my nails washing the dishes, now i’ll have to go for a pedicure all over again, its such a drag!!’

Nisha looked at her own hands. Nails? What nails? She had given up the idea of growing them out. She had soft, tiny hands, almost like a child’s. By some miracle all the cooking, washing and cleaning hadn’t wrecked any damage on them yet. But there wasn’t anything attractive about them. Her nails were as short as short could be. She filed them at home. Dishing out a grand for a pedicure which wouldn’t even last a day didn’t make sense to her.

‘I also have to walk six blocks before i reach the parking! I mean, can you imagine walking for six blocks on stilettos? My feet had so many blisters. I’m soaking them in hot water as we speak!’

Nisha smothered a chuckle. Stilettos were out of the question for her as well. Barring a few special occasions, she wore flat shoes, sensible shoes like her mother called it, to work. Comfort over style. Plus one really couldn’t walk on the street in stilettos. The potholes would kill them. Did she mention she walked to her office? It was a ten minute walk and she enjoyed it.

‘Why don’t you wear flats till you reach the parking?’

There was a pause then Melanie laughed loudly, ‘ Hey girl that’s a great idea I don’t own any flat shoes but it will be a good chance for me to go shopping and relieve myself of all of this stress!’

Nisha suppressed another snort and muttered some non – commital words of encouragement, as she endured another couple of minutes of wailing about the traffic, lack of space in Mel’s five bedroom apartment, the fact that they had only three bathrooms instead of five, that they had bay windows in only four rooms…that….

She was relieved when the conversation ended. She never had been able to understand Melanie. She had it all. A great house, a good, rich husband, a great job…she was living the American dream but she was always unhappy.

She looked around her one bedroom house a bit sheepishly. She had one cupboard, which housed all of her clothes, shoes and jewelry. A smaller closet had some linen. The kitchen was well stocked for one person.

There was a sofa, a desk with a chair, a lamp and a bean bag if anyone came to visit. She had a bunk bed, of which the spare bunk was seldom used unless a friend came over.

The house wasn’t great. She’d had to get all the electric points fixed when she’d moved in, along with fixing the plumbing. She had a maid who cleaned for her three times a week. But she was content. Material things didn’t really matter to her. They never had.

It really was a matter of perspective. You could have it all…and still feel unlucky. Or you could have nothing and be grateful for the little you had.

She chose the latter. Her eyes closed and she immediately fell into a deep sleep, her tired body giving in to sleep’s sweet call. She didn’t notice that Melanie was calling again, this time to complain about something else no doubt.