Don’t

As you grow older…

You’ll realize that blood is thicker than water…

And for other people,

You really don’t matter.

This road is lonesome….

This road is tough….

You got to be a little heartless,

You got to be a little rough.

Don’t show them your soft side…

Don’t show them that you are kind…

‘Cos in the end you’ll be left alone,

No friendly face to find….

Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve…

Don’t love too freely…

‘Cos people only know how to take,

Yes – people are greedy!

Don’t be too quiet…

When they hurt your feelings!

Don’t be a pushover…

Or they will leave you reeling.

Be your own hero…

Inspire yourself, be your own best friend…

‘Cos you are all that you have…

Till the every end.

 

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Update – Recipes on Instagram

While I am yet to finish the story I am working on, I made a new Instagram page for all the silly cooking I do at home.

Disclaimer – I am just an average home-cook but I enjoy pottering in the kitchen now and then so if you are interested in some simple recipes feel free to check it out. My Instagram handle is munchnscrunch!

Over and out!

Ladyhawk

Lone Star – Part 3

For Part 1 – Click Here

For Part 2 – Click Here


So much for getting some action.

My flight was a two hours late and to my horror, my ex-bestie was on it.

I scratched my head, wondering how such misfortune could befall me. I’d moved to a pretty isolated part of the country, sure that such encounters could be avoided.

Damn the tourism industry!

She hadn’t spotted me. Maybe the cap and the shades helped.

But I knew her – even though it had been close to a decade that I had last seen her. She was also by herself.

Then I corrected myself. I saw two women walk up to her, the trio started chatting excitedly about something. So, she had made new friends.

Friends. If you could call them that. The person that I knew her to be was someone who couldn’t distinguish a friend from a foe. She always ended up making friends with the wrong people and then acted as if the world had ended. That was one of the reasons that I had decided to drift away. I was always the one trying to buck her up and make her see that the world wasn’t such a shitty place till I realized I was just a therapist and nothing else. She’d stopped spending time with me, citing her career took up all of her free time.

I wasn’t dumb. Let me give you a piece of advice. If someone is too busy for you – all the time and where it seems like interacting with you is just a chore for them on their to – do – list – do yourself a favor and walk away. You’ll thank me for it later.

I walked away too.

Back then, when I wasn’t in great control of my feelings I’d felt blue about it for a long time. Now, well I could look at this situation dispassionately. Did I feel nostalgic? Yes. I did. But I didn’t dwell on it. That’s will power and being mentally strong. I’m not bragging. I’m being honest.

Soon it was time to board the flight. I walked past her, she didn’t even realize I was there. I chuckled softly.

Somethings never change.


To be continued….

 

Lone Star – Part 2

For Part 1 – Click Here.


I woke up at around 11.

11 AM. Come on, I can’t sleep away the whole day!

Ever since I’d taken to the solitary life, I slept much better. Perhaps it was due to the fact that I didn’t have much to worry about. People complicate everything.

You don’t believe me?

Let’s say you got a new job. Or got promoted. You excitedly share this news with people you love. And guess what – half of them do not sound happy – even if they try really, really hard to. Because we live in a world where we compare our success, our happiness with that of others. It is a constant competition.

It happened with me all the time. I was…or rather still am an ambitious gal. Back in the day, I naively thought that people would feel happy to see me do well but I saw over time, some of my so called best friends look sad or indifferent or even envious. Every time I got a new job or I made a new boyfriend or the time when I bought my first house. Sigh!

Now – I didn’t have to worry about that.

My phone buzzed. Stella, my assistant had sent me my updated work calendar. Yes, I did have an assistant. Unfortunately I could not cut off all human contact. Stella was 30 years old and a hot mess. But she was a good assistant. Once a year, we had a nice ritual of going for a company retreat. Stella & I.

It would usually be one of those plush resorts which weren’t too crowded. I’d swim and work on my tan while Stella would get hammered and then cry about her current fiasco of a love life. It would have been quite entertaining, if it wasn’t so sad.

Also, she didn’t want my advice so I just listened and nodded. Every.Single.Year.

What did I do for a living? Well. I was a virtual life coach.

Sounds funny, right? But you won’t believe the amount of money that people are willing to pay to hear the things that they already know. Throw in some wisdom, make a plan, follow up with them…the job was a breeze. I loved to see people succeed.

Maybe because at this age, I had enough to retire. But I didn’t want to. At the age of 40, I had a house of my own. I had a back yard where I grew a lot of vegetables plus a couple of fruit trees. I had a small coop where I kept hens.

No, I did not have a cow. I wasn’t a farmer. But I liked doing whatever I could on my own. It kept me active, healthy and relaxed.

I had a gardener – Jean. Jean was 21 years old, with six pack abs and a glittering white smile. I know what you are thinking but stop right there. Jean was as gay as they come.

As for me, I’d given up on love. I’d had a couple of casual hook ups now and then because hey – I was human. That was usually when I had to fly out of town for work.

And today was one of those days. I smirked. Hey – birthday girl, birthday sex, right?


To be continued.

Lone Star – Part 1

This is a work of fiction.

—————

I was 40 years old today. And there was no one to wish me. My parents were deceased. I’d divorced my husband fifteen years ago and made the conscious and wise decision not to have children.

I had no friends.

After years of trying to maintain relationships with people who didn’t really care I just stopped trying one day. I removed myself from social media, deleted everyone’s number and put all of those fake relationships behind me.

Sure, my so called bestie tried calling me a few times. But then I changed my number and that was it. We had drifted apart and after being treated like a doormat far too often, I decided even she wasn’t worth it.

Are you shaking your head in pity? Ah – don’t.

Did I need therapy? Well. That’s a tricky question.

A therapist or a psychologist would find me and the way I think fascinating and I could one day, be a case study discussed in some well known medical school.

But no – I did not need therapy.

I just liked being alone.

You see, some people saw it as a weakness. As a character flaw. But for me – it was my strength.

I got out of bed and made myself a hot cup of coffee and took out some butter cookies I had baked the day before.

Perfect.

Everyone who loves coffee will understand the bliss of taking a sip, just a tiny one and feeling the flavor flow through your mouth.

From my bedroom window, I could see the sun rise. The sky changed color from black and blue to orange and red and then light blue.

Beautiful.

My phone buzzed.

Don’t get excited – it was just a reminder for my to do list for the day. I told you, I kept human contact to a minimum.

But today was my day off…so I crept back into bed and switched off my phone. I would wake up when my body told me it was time to, not a second sooner.

I loved my life.


To be continued…..

 

 

You Loved Me , Not

You said that you must leave,

So I let you go…

I watched you pack and walk out of my house…

Helpless, I stood at the door…

As your footsteps faded…I walked towards my window..

To see if you’d turn to look at me…

Hoping that you’d change your mind..

Once you saw that you meant the world to me…

But you didn’t…

You drove away without a glance…

I ran downstairs, hoping for God knows what…

Maybe that you’d give me a second chance.

You called me later that night,

Asking if we could be friends…

If I was all right…

But I knew this is how our story ends…

You came into my life like a whirlwind…

You were always on my mind…

And now that you have gone for ever…

I shouldn’t keep trying to rewind…

Replay all the moments we shared…

But what’s the point when I forgot…

I loved you!

But you loved me not…

 

 

 

 

 

Nobody But You

I drink to forget…

Forget about you…

Your face, your smell, your touch…

I drink when the feelings get too much.

I still wear the pendant that you gave me,

Many, many years ago…

You paid for it from your first pay cheque…

Put it around my bare, young neck.

A sparkling diamond, shining bright…

How I trembled when you kissed me that night…

Have you ever lost yourself in someone’s eyes?

You want time to stop, but it just flies…

Now that you are gone, I keep myself busy,

Yes – busy twenty-four/seven…

I do it so that I don’t have the time to think…

‘Cos ever since you left, life just stinks.

I don’t watch romantic movies…

Or listen to sappy songs…

No, that would be just wrong…

When just need to move along…

It’s not like men don’t want me…they do!

They try to charm me, pique my interest…

But they lack that special something…you know it too…

The truth is….there can never be anyone but you.

I am known for being pragmatic…

But with you, I listen to my heart…

I’ve loved you from the moment I saw you…

And I’ll love you till death do us apart.

 


 

Love makes fools of us all.

Love,

Ladyhawk

P.S. Some of you have been reading my blog for many years and this is a special hug for all of you. *Sends invisible hugs*.

 

 

 

They mystify me

They mystify me…

These people with hearts of stone…

Or no hearts at all?

They will stand by and let you fall…

It maybe someone new…

Someone you just met…

And it could be a friend you’ve known for many years,

A friend who has recently been behind those tears…

They mystify me…

These wolves in sheep’s skin…

They will use you till its fun…

But at the slightest difficulty off they will go! Just see them run!

I am ashamed…

I am ashamed that I let myself get fooled…

I swore this time I’d be careful about who I let in…

And yet I can’t tell the difference between fake and genuine…

They mystify me…

These people with eyes that are emotionless…

Who don’t even pause to think…

About the pain that they are about to bring…

Do I wish them ill…

No, I won’t harbor hatred in my heart…

I just wish i’d known how they were from the start…

So I wouldn’t feel so torn apart.

 

 

 

 

The Undead – Part 1

This is a work of fiction.


I was a bit annoyed. Usually, I didn’t mind if these creatures created a racket running around what used to be my home but today, I was annoyed. Why? You ask why?

It has to do with a particular star. These creatures call it MACS0647-JD, but for me, this star has only one name – Home. At a distance of approximately 13.3 billion light years away from this planet, it is a bit far. Well, not for me and my kind – but for these creatures it is – heck, they haven’t even developed the technology to explore within their own solar system. I mean, their progress is pitiful barring a few gifted souls. What set these souls apart? Heh. Us. Go figure.

But yes, coming back to the point – today I was pissed because I was told that I had to stay on this planet for another 10 human years. I have been here for almost a 1000  human years and there is only so much entertainment in this so-called pyramid.

Hahaha….don’t look so shocked. I mean, you knew it deep inside you that no human could have built something so intricate, did you? We built it. So that we had a home on this planet and we could track progress of life on this planet. Why? ‘Cos we are trying to manufacture the perfect species…combining the best traits of all intelligent life forms from all over the universe!

But no! You guys had to poke your noses and make this one of the god damn wonders of the world. So well, every day I have thousands of you walking on the roof of my house.

Roof you say?

Well DUH! My home is underground. I had to shift it way, way underground so that your pesky archaeologists would not come poking their noses into what was clearly none of their business.

Once, when I had gone outside around a 100 years ago to collect some samples from a particular human being who I could detect was special, I accidentally bumped into what you called a historian. Well, he was as stunned as I was; seeing my purple skin and red hair. Well – that’s what your limited color vision allows you to see. From where I come from, there are over a 1000 different colors visible to us.

So anyway he saw me and fainted. And hence, began what your media calls ‘conspiracy theories’ about extra terrestrial life.

The funny thing is, we aren’t the extraterrestrials in this case. You are. We found you, you humans on a planet that was dying and brought you here, to make you thrive. We altered you a little bit so that you would evolve into intelligent creatures. Imagine our disappointment when we saw what you were doing to this planet? We decided, this time we would not help you. But secretly, we are rooting for you.

Who are we? We are the undead.


To be continued…

 

3 AM – Part 4

For part 1 – Click Here

For part 2 – Click Here

For part 3 – Click Here


3 PM

I try Bart’s number for the fifth time. A week’s over and there’s been no news from him. I’ve been waking up every other night ‘cos of Baxter’s weird behavior and I’m a bit sick of it.

‘Finally!’  I almost yell into the phone.

‘Norah, I know I am late, I’ll be back in 3 days. How are you?’ Bart sounds unabashed.

‘Your damn dog’s been working the graveyard shift and I DO NOT appreciate it.’

Bart coughs into the phone and sighs, ‘Look, Baxter is heart-broken ok? It has been a few months since her pup died and she always cries at night. The vet told us it would pass and to be frank, it is getting better.’

I look across the room at Baxter, who is currently in a state of bliss, asleep on her back after a big meal.

‘I didn’t know that.’ I mumble into the phone.


5 PM

I walk back to my bed and open my laptop. Today’s the day I start working from home. There are over 20 get well soon messages and e-cards from my colleagues. I scan through them briefly, sending everyone a simple ‘thank you’.


8 PM

After a few hours, I check my phone. The messages have also stopped. Now that you know that I am on the mend, you’ve dropped all pretense of caring. You scumbag. You…. You haven’t called. You haven’t dropped by. You have vanished into thin air – like you were never there. Fuck you.

I put my laptop aside and hobble to my fridge. There’s an old tub of ice cream which doesn’t smell like it’s expired. I search my collection of CD’s for something sad – ah – The Notebook. I put on my giant flat screen tv, hoping that the movie will evoke some emotions that I badly need to release.

What a dumb girl I am.

But sure enough – after an hour into the movie I’m bawling. And you know what – so is Baxter. The moment she heard my first sob, the dumb dog crawled into my lap. I think it was partly to beg for a bit of ice cream. But also to give me a few comforting licks and whimper and snuggle with me. Damn dog. She’s kind of cute.

For the first time I give her a hug. Here we are. Man and animal. Comforting each other. So this why people are mad about dogs. For being all dumb and cuddly and gooey. Huh. Perhaps I won’t return her to Bart after all.


10 PM

I feel a bit better once the movie ends. I feel like I have a lot of sorrow left in me…but this is good for now.

I look at my phone and yep – true to form not a peep. I take a deep breath and delete your number. I mean – I know it by heart so it doesn’t really matter but I do it anyway. It’s a sign of moving on, isn’t it?

I put my phone on silent and pull Baxter close to me. Something tells me we are not going to wake up tonight, in a long time.