For part 1 – click here.
I’m on the train. Its a 32 hour journey to where I want to go and well, I can’t stop thinking about her.
That’s why I hate train journeys. They leave you with too much time to think about life and about fucked up things like love.
Love and me?! Haha! You have got to be kidding me. A guy like me doesn’t believe in love. Oh come on, don’t roll your eyes. Its not like I am a player. I’ve been in a relationship for over 4 years once. That counts for something, doesn’t it?
“But did you love her?”
That’s what SHE’D asked me when we were talking about our past relationships. I looked into her eyes and told her,”No…I’ve never been in love in my entire life.”
I remember the way she looked at me, like I was weird or something.
“Never?” She frowned a little, as if she couldn’t understand it.
“Have you?!” I spluttered to defend myself.
Her eyes softened a little as she said quietly,”Yes, I have and it was amazing.”
I remember feeling a twinge for the first time then. Not jealousy. Nah…I’m too cool for that…I’m too cool to remember how I couldn’t stop smiling when she was around me…how I loved running my hands through her hair…how she smelt.
I sigh loudly. Too loudly I think for the other passengers are giving me weird looks. I put on my phone but there’s zero network. No way for me to stalk her online.
I worry that she’s going to fall for someone else. I worry that she will forget about me. I want to know what she feels for me.
This is hopeless. I turnover to my side and try to sleep.
She means nothing to me. Nothing.