Ola my lovelies! :)
Today Ladyhawk finally got time for herself. After ages. :)
I’ve been so busy…been caught up with work and personal obligations…with little time for what I love doing the most in this world. Tsk tsk.
But anyhow. I’ve had some time to think for myself. For a person like me…if I don’t have time to ponder…day dream or muse about whatever I want to muse about it drives me nuts. I don’t know about the rest of the world. But I need it. My spirit needs it.
Sometimes I feel that I am so comfortable being alone…that I can lead the rest of my life by myself. Not that I am anti-social. But a part of me craves for solitude and peace. Is that wrong or right?
The past few months…before I started working…it was a different phase in my life altogether. I was out of a job. Alone in a big city. I used to spend the entire day browsing through job sites and the remaining thinking and doing random stuff around the house to keep myself busy and my mind preoccupied. I had a lot of time to kill. Almost 4 months to myself.
What kept me sane I wonder? I think the support from my friends…at least the ones who knew and my mother’s encouraging words…for never giving up on me…it helped a lot. And perhaps my inner conviction as well. Though I was pretty close to tears and losing hope but I managed to keep going on.
People told me to go home. Save money. Leave Bombay.
But I couldn’t. Why?
Well for one, I didn’t want to go home and be indebted to my parents after everything that they have done for me. Two…I knew if I went back home I may never come back. Three…well for the first time in 3.5 years I had time to think. So I decided to hang on…almost used up all of my savings. Thank God I had some savings though. :) I didn’t have to ask anyone for anything.
People may think I am too proud for my own good. That I could have asked others for favours. But that’s not really the case. I just want to do things on my own. Perhaps it is to prove to myself that I am capable enough to be my own HERO!
I still have to write and I still have to publish this one book that I have been working on. That is my life’s dream. Before I am thirty…to get it printed. When will I find the time I wonder?
Anyhow. The reason why I am writing this is because I know there are a lot of us who are stuck in a rut. But I would say hang on. It is tough. But you can do it. Just be strong.
Over and out.
Lots of love, Ladyhawk <3