Being human

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How do you stand tall?

How do you not fall?

How do you still hope?

How do you manage to cope?

How do you forgive…

Those who took away your reason to live?

How do you still love?

Have faith in the one above?

How do you persevere?

Manage to spread cheer?

How can you be so kind…

I wonder if you are blind!

How do you still dream?

When your nightmares still make you scream?

How do you believe…

When you still have so much to grieve…

How do you do it…tell me…

How can you set yourself free?

Is this what it is to be human?

Will I finally feel like a new man?

 

 

 

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Mercy

In response to today’s Daily Prompt – Mercy, I will be writing a small story.


Rosanne looked at her watch. He was late again.

She went to the ladies room and locked herself in one of the stalls, trying to brush back angry tears. Oh, she couldn’t afford to cry, for her mascara would run and ruin at least half an hour of hard work.

She’d been looking forward to seeing him for many weeks now.

‘I’m an emotional fool who will never learn’, she muttered to herself.

She’d grown tired of the cat and mouse game that she was playing with Todd. Todd was a handsome, intelligent man…he was a man’s man and not one of those lovesick puppies she encountered on a frequent basis. But he knew he was a catch and he probably was dating a few women on the side.

After a few minutes, she walked out. There was no sight of him in the restaurant. She called for the bill and left.

Her heart felt sad, because she knew they would have been good for each other. But when the time isn’t right…even your soul mate will not be able to recognize you.

<A month later…>

 

Todd was standing at the altar, sweat trickling down his neck. The tuxedo suffocated him. He could feel at least five sets of eyes staring at him with hostility.

Blasted bridesmaids. Rosanne had probably warned them about him.

He looked at his best friend, the groom, who looked like he was going to burst with happiness. Todd sighed, surprised at the twinge of envy he felt

The bride walked in with the maid of honor, and he swallowed nervously. Rosanne.

Swallowed? He probably looked like a fish, gulping down air.

Throughout the wedding ceremony he tried to keep his eyes averted from Rosanne’s. She looked beautiful. He cursed himself for not showing up that day. Women like that didn’t come along more than once or twice in a life time. But he liked being a free bird…didn’t he? He looked at the shining faces of the bride and groom. Maybe being tied down wasn’t too bad…

The bride and groom exchanged their vows and kissed, hand in hand they walked towards the reception area…oblivious of the world around them.

Inadvertently, he looked at Rosanne’s face. She gave him a cool glance and looked away.

He walked towards her, only to see her being pulled away by another man. She turned around to give him a sad smile and walked away.

‘God have mercy on me’, he muttered to himself ,‘ I need to make this right’. 


 

 

To the Sixteen year old me

Sixteen year old me…

Why do I smile sadly when I think of her?

A little flame that burned bright…

And eyes that always had light…

 

Sixteen year old me…

Loved music and books,

Maybe she should have focused on her looks…

But she was still a child.

 

Sixteen year old me…

Was too shy to talk to strangers…

Social anxiety my old friend,

I see you still are with me.

 

Sixteen year old me…

Was impulsive, unaware of the danger…

Of what opening my heart to love would mean…

But all I could do was wonder what could have been…

 

Sixteen year old me…

Knew what it was to truly love freely…

She could comprehend his fragile masculinity…

But only from a distance…for he was out of her league…

 

Sixteen year old me…

Didn’t know what the years ahead had in store…

Would they change her to the core…

Would she live up to what she thought she would be?

 

I had dreams…I had ambition…

I worked hard…harder than the rest…

I wanted to be the best…ace every test…

Did I try too hard? Hard enough?

 

I never fit in…I was a loner…

The cool kids stayed away from me…

‘She’s a geek, she’s such a bore…’

I heard those words more and more…

 

Kids can be pretty cruel you see…

They’ll make fun of you for having acne…

Or for a scar on your forehead that’s unsightly…

So you cut your hair so that they can no longer see…You try to hide what you think is ugly…

 

Sixteen year old me…

She had dignity…

She did what was right,

And when people hurt her, she hid it well…while she secretly cried at night…

 

She had a friend or two…

Her mother’s love made up for the rest…

Sixteen year old me…

She really did try her best.

 


 

This is a draft version of this attempt at poetry or whatever else one can call it…I could write more but I don’t know, I got a bit sentimental when I was writing this. This is one of the most heartfelt posts I have written in a while.

I don’t know if I changed for the better, but I feel that somewhere down the line I let myself down. The good news is I still have plenty of time to make things right. Do I regret anything…not really. Everything that happens in life happens to teach us something and we should learn from it. I have learnt things the hard way, unfortunately.

I was camera shy when I was 16. I thought I was ugly. I was a little chubby and I had this big dent in my forehead (i was born with it and it became more pronounced when I grew up). I was teased about it dreadfully in school to the point where I cut my hair and got a fringe to cover it when I turned 17. I am a Sikh and we aren’t really supposed to cut our hair. Back in the day, I was pretty religious so this was a big step for me. But it didn’t stop the teasing.

I always get really uncomfortable if someone shares/puts up photos of mine from my teens since my dent is visible and I struggled for a long time with being confident about my looks (I always looked grumpy in the photos) but no longer. I want to apologize to my younger self for not being more confident. Yes, cutting my hair made me look better but I will not be ashamed of the way God made me.

I was a shy kid – I still am shy though I can occasionally strike up a conversation with a stranger if I feel I am in a safe environment. Yeah, go figure. God has made me this way. :/

I hope in the years ahead I can be more like what I was when I was 16. Hard working, ethical, loving, quirky, kind and steadfast. I wasn’t perfect. No. I had quite a temper. But no one is perfect.

Over and out,

Ladyhawk

 

 

Aleyna Tilki – Sen Olsan Bari

I came across this video when I watched one of the react videos by the Fine Brothers Entertainment channel. The only Turkish artist I knew of was Tarkan, but she’s pretty interesting too. I liked the video as well. And Turkish women are beautiful or what?

I also liked the fact that the translation is there in this particular video.

I claim no rights to the video/song. Sharing as a fan.

Enjoy!!

Havana – Camila Cabello

I don’t know why but this song has been stuck in my head ever since I heard it. I like her voice. Lyrics are in the video.

Sharing as a fan. I claim no rights to this song.