Puppy Love

Well, I’m writing this post because a couple of days ago I was talking to an old school friend of mine. As always, we were reminiscing about the good old days when this topic came up. So here’s what 13-year-old me felt like, when she liked this particular boy. I apologize in advance for any typos, it is 1 AM in the morning and I am quite sleepy.


I was a happy – go lucky 13-year-old. Children are lucky – for they are spared the worries of adulthood. If you are an adult, you’ll understand.

My father was serving in the army and we had moved with him to a new army cantonment after Kargil got over (the Kargil war which took place in 1999 against Pakistan).

I was a bit weary of changing schools, but that was the norm if you were an Army brat. Because of the blasted war, this was my third school within a span of 9 months. But I didn’t care too much. I was happy to have my father back, safe and sound and in one piece.

I joined the 7th standard in Army School rather late in the school year and made friends fast. I wasn’t really into boys…I was too worried about maintaining a good grade average.

Eventually I became good friends with the prettiest girl in school (we used to sit together) and almost every boy had a crush on her. Let’s call her Shelly.

Now that I come to think of it, I always wonder why I made friends with the flirty girls. Or why they made friends with me. Opposites attract maybe? Anyway, apart from studies and listening to Shelly gossip about some random guys, 7th standard went by quite peacefully.


 

It was in class 8th that I came across HIM. Let’s call him Dhruv. Dhruv joined our class along with a lot of other new students. I made friends with the new girls. And like any normal school girl in India back in the day, I stayed away from the guys because they were too ‘rowdy’.

Dhruv sat on a bench to my left. Initially, when he had joined us; I’d barely given him a glance. But as the days went by he came into his own. I really don’t know what it was about him that I liked.

Dhruv was one of the brightest boys that I had ever come across. For some reason, he took a dislike to a lot of people in our class and whenever someone said something that in his opinion was plain stupid, he would mutter something sarcastic very softly, so softly that only a few people in his vicinity could hear it.

To my horror, I found myself giggling around him all the time. And you know how boys are, it only encourages them.

We became very good friends. We’d talk all the time during class and during recess. I used to look out for his head with his jet – black spiky hair every morning during the morning assembly and whenever I used to see it, I used to feel just a bit happier. We were also extremely competitive. I wanted to top and so did he. After each test and each exam, we would compare scores and I think he got a big kick out of scoring more than me. But then he was the only one I didn’t mind losing to. This went on for a couple of months.

Then the rumor mill started. People started gossiping about us, about how we liked each other. Perhaps it was evident to everyone apart from us. Well, I don’t know what he felt for me. And at that time, I didn’t know what I felt for him either apart from the fact that I used to get jealous every time Shelly spoke to him. Blah, sue me. I was immature.

Anyway, we decided to stop talking to each other much during school (what a dumb decision that was) but we would be on the phone every single day in the evening. In fact, it was the highlight of my day – hearing his voice and giggling away to all of his sarcastic jokes. We GOT each other and that’s what mattered. Our parents were quite sick of the constant phone – calls but hey – that never fazed us.

But as always, all good things come to an end. Just when the 9th standard had started, my father informed me that we would be leaving in two months for a new place. I was devastated and one of the main reasons was that I would no longer get to see Dhruv.


I broke the news to him and I don’t think he was too happy about it. I don’t remember much. He used to live very far away from where I did.

He visited me once with his mom and my mom took me to his place once before we left. I met his younger sister as well, who watched us with an annoying smirk on her face (that’s what he said)…till Dhruv shooed her away. I don’t really remember what we spoke about. All I remember is that I was really happy to see him and spend time with him.

He was the last person that I spoke to when I left that place. I felt myself tearing up and that’s when I realized that hey…this boy held a special place in my heart. He always would.


After I moved to the new cantt, we wrote to each other a couple of times but after his second letter, I never heard back from him. I was very sad. I preserved his letters for a few years and eventually, I chucked them away.

I regret throwing them away. They were memories of a time when I was innocent.

I’m not in touch with Dhruv anymore. Though I know he is a handsome man and has become a successful entrepreneur. I also hope he has turned into a good human being.


Over and out.

Advertisements

My Weary Heart

My weary heart…

Treads alone on this lonesome path…

Leaving you and what you brought, behind…

Your lies and your words, oh so unkind.

Tossed around like a rag doll,

No more…I’m not your plaything…

Common sense, this time to you I will listen…

I must get away from him…my footsteps quicken.

Your ‘love’ is a joke…

In my brain, it’s a chemical imbalance…

It’s not for me, not for me…

My heart and my brain whisper this to me.

Pain leaves a wet trail on my cheeks,

Breathlessness, a missed heartbeat…

My body screams out in distress to me…

So first, I must learn how to take care of me.

You have to be your own hero…

Watch out for those who dim the light in your soul…

My weary heart has had it too rough…

And finally I’ve had the courage to say ‘Enough’

For on my own I am complete, long before I met you,

And I don’t need anyone to mend what’s broken…

I’ll do it myself, I’ll shine – I’ll be ME!

Of your untrue love, my weary heart will be free.

 


 

Dedicated to anyone who is in a toxic or abusive (emotional or physical) relationship. No, I am not talking about mine. I am fine. I am talking to those people who need to leave the ‘soul – suckers’ and break free from the cycle of negativity. You do you! You can do it, you are strong. You are complete.

Love,

Ladyhawk

Ladyhawk says Hi & has an update

Hi guys!

This is my 6th year of blogging and after giving it some thought, I have decided to change things a bit for my blog. From now on, I will only be publishing poems or stories on this blog. The rest of my work, well…I will either move it to another blog someday or remove it in its entirety. It would help to focus on being more creative instead of being all over the place.

Most probably I will start another blog about issues that I care a lot about – sustainable development, human rights, animals and the environment.

I will keep all of you posted regarding this. Hope everyone is doing great. :)

Love and Hugs,

Ladyhawk

 

When you fall

The time was never right for us,

We never were really meant to be…

Even now I wonder who you are?

What exactly do you mean to me?

You are not a friend,

Nor are you a foe…

You don’t have my best interest at heart,

You’ve been an unhappy person from the start…

My love you spurned,

And later for it you yearned…

But those three little words you couldn’t utter…

So now in frustration you seethe and mutter…

I extended my hand once more,

Let’s be friends, you shrugged;’sure’,

But you knew nothing about being a true friend…

And even less about how to make amends…

Every time that you hurt me,

I took you back…

My fault was in turning a blind eye..

To the things you lack…

So who are you to me?

You are nothing at all…

And this time I won’t be here to pick you up…

When you fall.