My Weary Heart

My weary heart…

Treads alone on this lonesome path…

Leaving you and what you brought, behind…

Your lies and your words, oh so unkind.

Tossed around like a rag doll,

No more…I’m not your plaything…

Common sense, this time to you I will listen…

I must get away from him…my footsteps quicken.

Your ‘love’ is a joke…

In my brain, it’s a chemical imbalance…

It’s not for me, not for me…

My heart and my brain whisper this to me.

Pain leaves a wet trail on my cheeks,

Breathlessness, a missed heartbeat…

My body screams out in distress to me…

So first, I must learn how to take care of me.

You have to be your own hero…

Watch out for those who dim the light in your soul…

My weary heart has had it too rough…

And finally I’ve had the courage to say ‘Enough’

For on my own I am complete, long before I met you,

And I don’t need anyone to mend what’s broken…

I’ll do it myself, I’ll shine – I’ll be ME!

Of your untrue love, my weary heart will be free.

 


 

Dedicated to anyone who is in a toxic or abusive (emotional or physical) relationship. No, I am not talking about mine. I am fine. I am talking to those people who need to leave the ‘soul – suckers’ and break free from the cycle of negativity. You do you! You can do it, you are strong. You are complete.

Love,

Ladyhawk

Advertisements

When you fall

The time was never right for us,

We never were really meant to be…

Even now I wonder who you are?

What exactly do you mean to me?

You are not a friend,

Nor are you a foe…

You don’t have my best interest at heart,

You’ve been an unhappy person from the start…

My love you spurned,

And later for it you yearned…

But those three little words you couldn’t utter…

So now in frustration you seethe and mutter…

I extended my hand once more,

Let’s be friends, you shrugged;’sure’,

But you knew nothing about being a true friend…

And even less about how to make amends…

Every time that you hurt me,

I took you back…

My fault was in turning a blind eye..

To the things you lack…

So who are you to me?

You are nothing at all…

And this time I won’t be here to pick you up…

When you fall.

Bloodmoon

She is a creature of the night…beautiful and dangerous…she’s been hunting for her soulmate and she finds him…but he’s not the same…alas!!


Bloodmoon…the time when passions surge…

You know its futile to suppress this growing urge…

To make you mine, once and for all…

These plans of mine, I will not stall…

You are mine, I claim this right…

I will make my move tonight…

Kiss you under the milky way,

Stay with you till the break of day…

With the first ray of sunlight I’ll flee…

But rest assured I’ll be thinking of thee…

And I will make you pine for me…

I like how I can make your eyes shine for me…

I know what I want, I get what I desire…

I know how to set your heart on fire…

And when darkness sets I’ll be by your side…

Your hidden secret, your vampire bride.

Being human

527e3ba829a2c943f81c3ba0cd30c987--freedom-art-dance-dance-dance

How do you stand tall?

How do you not fall?

How do you still hope?

How do you manage to cope?

How do you forgive…

Those who took away your reason to live?

How do you still love?

Have faith in the one above?

How do you persevere?

Manage to spread cheer?

How can you be so kind…

I wonder if you are blind!

How do you still dream?

When your nightmares still make you scream?

How do you believe…

When you still have so much to grieve…

How do you do it…tell me…

How can you set yourself free?

Is this what it is to be human?

Will I finally feel like a new man?

 

 

 

To the Sixteen year old me

Sixteen year old me…

Why do I smile sadly when I think of her?

A little flame that burned bright…

And eyes that always had light…

 

Sixteen year old me…

Loved music and books,

Maybe she should have focused on her looks…

But she was still a child.

 

Sixteen year old me…

Was too shy to talk to strangers…

Social anxiety my old friend,

I see you still are with me.

 

Sixteen year old me…

Was impulsive, unaware of the danger…

Of what opening my heart to love would mean…

But all I could do was wonder what could have been…

 

Sixteen year old me…

Knew what it was to truly love freely…

She could comprehend his fragile masculinity…

But only from a distance…for he was out of her league…

 

Sixteen year old me…

Didn’t know what the years ahead had in store…

Would they change her to the core…

Would she live up to what she thought she would be?

 

I had dreams…I had ambition…

I worked hard…harder than the rest…

I wanted to be the best…ace every test…

Did I try too hard? Hard enough?

 

I never fit in…I was a loner…

The cool kids stayed away from me…

‘She’s a geek, she’s such a bore…’

I heard those words more and more…

 

Kids can be pretty cruel you see…

They’ll make fun of you for having acne…

Or for a scar on your forehead that’s unsightly…

So you cut your hair so that they can no longer see…You try to hide what you think is ugly…

 

Sixteen year old me…

She had dignity…

She did what was right,

And when people hurt her, she hid it well…while she secretly cried at night…

 

She had a friend or two…

Her mother’s love made up for the rest…

Sixteen year old me…

She really did try her best.

 


 

This is a draft version of this attempt at poetry or whatever else one can call it…I could write more but I don’t know, I got a bit sentimental when I was writing this. This is one of the most heartfelt posts I have written in a while.

I don’t know if I changed for the better, but I feel that somewhere down the line I let myself down. The good news is I still have plenty of time to make things right. Do I regret anything…not really. Everything that happens in life happens to teach us something and we should learn from it. I have learnt things the hard way, unfortunately.

I was camera shy when I was 16. I thought I was ugly. I was a little chubby and I had this big dent in my forehead (i was born with it and it became more pronounced when I grew up). I was teased about it dreadfully in school to the point where I cut my hair and got a fringe to cover it when I turned 17. I am a Sikh and we aren’t really supposed to cut our hair. Back in the day, I was pretty religious so this was a big step for me. But it didn’t stop the teasing.

I always get really uncomfortable if someone shares/puts up photos of mine from my teens since my dent is visible and I struggled for a long time with being confident about my looks (I always looked grumpy in the photos) but no longer. I want to apologize to my younger self for not being more confident. Yes, cutting my hair made me look better but I will not be ashamed of the way God made me.

I was a shy kid – I still am shy though I can occasionally strike up a conversation with a stranger if I feel I am in a safe environment. Yeah, go figure. God has made me this way. :/

I hope in the years ahead I can be more like what I was when I was 16. Hard working, ethical, loving, quirky, kind and steadfast. I wasn’t perfect. No. I had quite a temper. But no one is perfect.

Over and out,

Ladyhawk

 

 

Entitled

While you take a sip of your expensive wine…

Feast on imported bread…

I scrounge around in dustbins…

For my children must be fed.

You sleep on satin sheets…

On pillows made of fluff…

I sleep anyone where I’m safe from bombs…

The ground no longer feels rough…

You bathe in bathtubs strewn with petals,

Scented candles and bath bubbles…

Scrounging around for a sip of clean water…

Is one of my daily troubles…

You go to work, come home to your families,

Complain about the heat and taxes…

All I worry about is how to stay alive…

In my world, no one ever relaxes…

How I long for not feeling afraid…

And freedom that’s mine to keep…

Clean clothes, a square meal, a roof on my head…

And a night of peaceful sleep.


Dedicated to anyone who thinks their life is tough..please remember that there are people who are dying due to wars, famine,slavery and diseases all over the world. Be thankful for what you are, what you have. It could all be taken away from you in a flash and then what? Don’t take life for granted. Help others. Volunteer. Donate to the UN and other charities who need, DESPERATELY need money to aid people and countries which are facing a humanitarian crisis. Don’t know what I am talking about?

Peace out,

Ladyhawk

 

Free Spirit

I sat under the stars…

Contemplating my life…

An outsider may think its perfect…

To me, it has always been wrought with strife…

I’ve never been really happy…

I’ve never known true peace…

The devil’s constantly whispering in my ears…

If only I could do as I please…

What’s right…what’s wrong?

What’s black…what’s white?

Why can’t I cross the line sometime?

Why can’t I for once NOT be right?

Who makes the rules to rule my life?

Who gets to judge me when I die?

I’m sick of pretending to know the truth…

When my life has been one fat lie.

If only I could do what I want…

If only I could be thoughtless like a child…

No limits, no boundaries, no rules to follow…

How I long to run free and wild.

 

Fare thee well!!

People come and go,

Only a few will stay,

The ones who tug at your heart strings,

The ones you never want to go away.

 

Life has its own plans…

People drift apart,

They say you should not be afraid of letting go,

Someone else will come and heal your heart…

 

Yet as you grow older,

Time flies so fast…

You’ll find yourself reminiscing

About the days in the past…

 

Your first friend who taught you how to cross your t’s,

Your friend in high school, who always cheered you on…

Your friends from college…when life was just a ball,

Your work friends…where have most of them gone?

 

All you have is memories in the end…

Who decides who stays or who leaves?

To the ones who stay – thank you…

For the rest, my heart silently grieves.

 


 

Value your self worth. Give and don’t expect anything in return. If someone hurts you, learn from it and when the time comes, forgive them. Forgiveness is a way to set yourself free…unburden your heart. No matter how much you love someone, if they make you feel bad about yourself, perhaps its time to move on. They aren’t bad people – they are just not the type you need to be around. Remember, you are a reflection of the people you surround yourself with.

 

 

 

 

 

Walking down your lane

 

 

My feet are weary,

I walked many a mile…

Yearning just to see you,

How I’ve missed your smile!

Nightmares haunt me…

All the blood I’ve spilt…

But maybe you will help me…

To banish the guilt.

I’m not good with words…

But you understand me…

Like no one else can…

With you I feel free!

War kills you from inside…

I can barely keep the darkness at bay…

But the light inside you…

Will make it go away.

So just wait a little longer…

I’ll be walking down your lane…

With nothing to lose…

But everything to gain.

 

 

 

Sabbath

 

As dawn breaks…

The sky changes colors…

All is quiet…

Darkness gives way to light…

Birds chirp loudly..

The lights in the street go out..

The milkman’s van comes and goes…

I gingerly touch my nose.

It’s cold…like the weather outside!

6:45…I have 45 minutes..

I snuggle deeper inside my quilt…

I can sleep a little longer, without any guilt!

Tring Tring Trrring!

Is it my phone? The newspaper boy’s bell?

7:30…ah time to get up…

I sleepily search for my coffee cup!

‘So and so died…so and so lied’

The newspaper screams out the same old nonsense..

Then my eyes fall on the date..

Its Sunday…hooray I can sleep in late!

So I jump back in bed,

Ah the pillow is so soft…

No sound can rouse me…

I feel sleepiness surround me!


Over and out,

Ladyhawk