My Weary Heart

My weary heart…

Treads alone on this lonesome path…

Leaving you and what you brought, behind…

Your lies and your words, oh so unkind.

Tossed around like a rag doll,

No more…I’m not your plaything…

Common sense, this time to you I will listen…

I must get away from him…my footsteps quicken.

Your ‘love’ is a joke…

In my brain, it’s a chemical imbalance…

It’s not for me, not for me…

My heart and my brain whisper this to me.

Pain leaves a wet trail on my cheeks,

Breathlessness, a missed heartbeat…

My body screams out in distress to me…

So first, I must learn how to take care of me.

You have to be your own hero…

Watch out for those who dim the light in your soul…

My weary heart has had it too rough…

And finally I’ve had the courage to say ‘Enough’

For on my own I am complete, long before I met you,

And I don’t need anyone to mend what’s broken…

I’ll do it myself, I’ll shine – I’ll be ME!

Of your untrue love, my weary heart will be free.

 


 

Dedicated to anyone who is in a toxic or abusive (emotional or physical) relationship. No, I am not talking about mine. I am fine. I am talking to those people who need to leave the ‘soul – suckers’ and break free from the cycle of negativity. You do you! You can do it, you are strong. You are complete.

Love,

Ladyhawk

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Ladyhawk says Hi & has an update

Hi guys!

This is my 6th year of blogging and after giving it some thought, I have decided to change things a bit for my blog. From now on, I will only be publishing poems or stories on this blog. The rest of my work, well…I will either move it to another blog someday or remove it in its entirety. It would help to focus on being more creative instead of being all over the place.

Most probably I will start another blog about issues that I care a lot about – sustainable development, human rights, animals and the environment.

I will keep all of you posted regarding this. Hope everyone is doing great. :)

Love and Hugs,

Ladyhawk

 

When you fall

The time was never right for us,

We never were really meant to be…

Even now I wonder who you are?

What exactly do you mean to me?

You are not a friend,

Nor are you a foe…

You don’t have my best interest at heart,

You’ve been an unhappy person from the start…

My love you spurned,

And later for it you yearned…

But those three little words you couldn’t utter…

So now in frustration you seethe and mutter…

I extended my hand once more,

Let’s be friends, you shrugged;’sure’,

But you knew nothing about being a true friend…

And even less about how to make amends…

Every time that you hurt me,

I took you back…

My fault was in turning a blind eye..

To the things you lack…

So who are you to me?

You are nothing at all…

And this time I won’t be here to pick you up…

When you fall.

Bloodmoon

She is a creature of the night…beautiful and dangerous…she’s been hunting for her soulmate and she finds him…but he’s not the same…alas!!


Bloodmoon…the time when passions surge…

You know its futile to suppress this growing urge…

To make you mine, once and for all…

These plans of mine, I will not stall…

You are mine, I claim this right…

I will make my move tonight…

Kiss you under the milky way,

Stay with you till the break of day…

With the first ray of sunlight I’ll flee…

But rest assured I’ll be thinking of thee…

And I will make you pine for me…

I like how I can make your eyes shine for me…

I know what I want, I get what I desire…

I know how to set your heart on fire…

And when darkness sets I’ll be by your side…

Your hidden secret, your vampire bride.

Worry About This

Sorry to disturb you from your bliss,

But I think you need to worry about this…

Humanity is divided, when will we learn?

Is there any joy in watching each other burn?

Don’t feel like watching the news…

Looks like every one is going to blow a fuse…

Gimme a break, I want out…

What the fuck is the fuss all about?

Our polar ice is melting,

In other parts of the world its sweltering…

And some people say global warming’s a farce,

They need a kick up their arse.

Genocide’s on the rise…

But the world turns a blind eye…

First it was the Jews, now its the Kurds…

And all we are is a bunch of turds.

Human – trafficking, rape and murder…

She said ‘TIME’S UP’ and I hope you heard her…

Madmen on the loose, threats of nuclear war…

I guess humanity hasn’t come very far…

Driven by greed, we suppress and oppress,

Creating an even bigger mess…

I wish we could all just get along,

With love, we could be so very strong…

But all we do is hate and hate and hate…

We need to change…before it is too late…


 

Don’t think you are better than anyone because of the color of your skin…or your religion or which language you speak, which country you belong to. Remember when you die – you’ll be alone. You came into this world alone. Just like everyone else. 

Teach your children the meaning of respect – for others and EMPATHY for fucks sake. Empathy spans across all this shit which is the very reason why the entire world is in chaos right now. Open your eyes – and choose to be kind and oh – not so judgmental of people who act differently, dress differently and think or speak differently. We are all human. We are made of the same components – oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, calcium, and phosphorus.

Get the EFF over yourself and help to make this planet a better place for your kids and grand kids to live in.

Peace out,

A rather fed – up ladyhawk

 

 

 

 

To the Sixteen year old me

Sixteen year old me…

Why do I smile sadly when I think of her?

A little flame that burned bright…

And eyes that always had light…

 

Sixteen year old me…

Loved music and books,

Maybe she should have focused on her looks…

But she was still a child.

 

Sixteen year old me…

Was too shy to talk to strangers…

Social anxiety my old friend,

I see you still are with me.

 

Sixteen year old me…

Was impulsive, unaware of the danger…

Of what opening my heart to love would mean…

But all I could do was wonder what could have been…

 

Sixteen year old me…

Knew what it was to truly love freely…

She could comprehend his fragile masculinity…

But only from a distance…for he was out of her league…

 

Sixteen year old me…

Didn’t know what the years ahead had in store…

Would they change her to the core…

Would she live up to what she thought she would be?

 

I had dreams…I had ambition…

I worked hard…harder than the rest…

I wanted to be the best…ace every test…

Did I try too hard? Hard enough?

 

I never fit in…I was a loner…

The cool kids stayed away from me…

‘She’s a geek, she’s such a bore…’

I heard those words more and more…

 

Kids can be pretty cruel you see…

They’ll make fun of you for having acne…

Or for a scar on your forehead that’s unsightly…

So you cut your hair so that they can no longer see…You try to hide what you think is ugly…

 

Sixteen year old me…

She had dignity…

She did what was right,

And when people hurt her, she hid it well…while she secretly cried at night…

 

She had a friend or two…

Her mother’s love made up for the rest…

Sixteen year old me…

She really did try her best.

 


 

This is a draft version of this attempt at poetry or whatever else one can call it…I could write more but I don’t know, I got a bit sentimental when I was writing this. This is one of the most heartfelt posts I have written in a while.

I don’t know if I changed for the better, but I feel that somewhere down the line I let myself down. The good news is I still have plenty of time to make things right. Do I regret anything…not really. Everything that happens in life happens to teach us something and we should learn from it. I have learnt things the hard way, unfortunately.

I was camera shy when I was 16. I thought I was ugly. I was a little chubby and I had this big dent in my forehead (i was born with it and it became more pronounced when I grew up). I was teased about it dreadfully in school to the point where I cut my hair and got a fringe to cover it when I turned 17. I am a Sikh and we aren’t really supposed to cut our hair. Back in the day, I was pretty religious so this was a big step for me. But it didn’t stop the teasing.

I always get really uncomfortable if someone shares/puts up photos of mine from my teens since my dent is visible and I struggled for a long time with being confident about my looks (I always looked grumpy in the photos) but no longer. I want to apologize to my younger self for not being more confident. Yes, cutting my hair made me look better but I will not be ashamed of the way God made me.

I was a shy kid – I still am shy though I can occasionally strike up a conversation with a stranger if I feel I am in a safe environment. Yeah, go figure. God has made me this way. :/

I hope in the years ahead I can be more like what I was when I was 16. Hard working, ethical, loving, quirky, kind and steadfast. I wasn’t perfect. No. I had quite a temper. But no one is perfect.

Over and out,

Ladyhawk

 

 

Perspective

I can’t live like this…’

Melanie’s voice cracked as she spoke to her friend, Nisha. It was 1 AM Indian standard time, daytime in the US, where Mel lived. Nisha was half asleep, struggling to keep her eyes open.

‘There there…what’s the problem?’ Nisha suppressed one of her many sighs as she anticipated half an hour of wailing to continue. She was right.

‘I had to leave my bungalow and shift into an apartment complex! AN APARTMENT COMPLEX. I feel so suffocated, I open a window and there are no green spaces…just buildings all around me. I live in a concrete jungle!’

Noreen rolled her eyes. Concrete jungle, AKA the most expensive apartment complex in that city.

Noreen felt a drop of water land on her forehead. She squinted, searching for her glasses in the dim, flickering yellow light. The only light that worked in her bedroom.

‘Damn!’ she muttered, ignoring Melanie’s rants but supporting them with occasional hmms and mmms…the roof was leaking again. The sad part of living on the top floor in Mumbai during the monsoon. But it was the only flat that she got. Single people, especially single women didn’t have much of a choice, if you were lucky enough to get a house in a decent locality, you’d better take it, leaky roof or not.

‘And my maid didn’t come yesterday! I had to wash all the dishes myself and ANDREW wanted me to cook! Can you believe it? He thinks we don’t need a maid, we should cook ourselves? I’ve never had to enter the kitchen in my entire life.’ 

‘Can’t you hire a part time maid for the days she doesn’t come?’ Nisha muttered absent mindedly.

Melanie pretended not to have heard her ,’AND so I cooked, I almost cut my finger and chipped my nails washing the dishes, now i’ll have to go for a pedicure all over again, its such a drag!!’

Nisha looked at her own hands. Nails? What nails? She had given up the idea of growing them out. She had soft, tiny hands, almost like a child’s. By some miracle all the cooking, washing and cleaning hadn’t wrecked any damage on them yet. But there wasn’t anything attractive about them. Her nails were as short as short could be. She filed them at home. Dishing out a grand for a pedicure which wouldn’t even last a day didn’t make sense to her.

‘I also have to walk six blocks before i reach the parking! I mean, can you imagine walking for six blocks on stilettos? My feet had so many blisters. I’m soaking them in hot water as we speak!’

Nisha smothered a chuckle. Stilettos were out of the question for her as well. Barring a few special occasions, she wore flat shoes, sensible shoes like her mother called it, to work. Comfort over style. Plus one really couldn’t walk on the street in stilettos. The potholes would kill them. Did she mention she walked to her office? It was a ten minute walk and she enjoyed it.

‘Why don’t you wear flats till you reach the parking?’

There was a pause then Melanie laughed loudly, ‘ Hey girl that’s a great idea I don’t own any flat shoes but it will be a good chance for me to go shopping and relieve myself of all of this stress!’

Nisha suppressed another snort and muttered some non – commital words of encouragement, as she endured another couple of minutes of wailing about the traffic, lack of space in Mel’s five bedroom apartment, the fact that they had only three bathrooms instead of five, that they had bay windows in only four rooms…that….

She was relieved when the conversation ended. She never had been able to understand Melanie. She had it all. A great house, a good, rich husband, a great job…she was living the American dream but she was always unhappy.

She looked around her one bedroom house a bit sheepishly. She had one cupboard, which housed all of her clothes, shoes and jewelry. A smaller closet had some linen. The kitchen was well stocked for one person.

There was a sofa, a desk with a chair, a lamp and a bean bag if anyone came to visit. She had a bunk bed, of which the spare bunk was seldom used unless a friend came over.

The house wasn’t great. She’d had to get all the electric points fixed when she’d moved in, along with fixing the plumbing. She had a maid who cleaned for her three times a week. But she was content. Material things didn’t really matter to her. They never had.

It really was a matter of perspective. You could have it all…and still feel unlucky. Or you could have nothing and be grateful for the little you had.

She chose the latter. Her eyes closed and she immediately fell into a deep sleep, her tired body giving in to sleep’s sweet call. She didn’t notice that Melanie was calling again, this time to complain about something else no doubt.

Entitled

While you take a sip of your expensive wine…

Feast on imported bread…

I scrounge around in dustbins…

For my children must be fed.

You sleep on satin sheets…

On pillows made of fluff…

I sleep anyone where I’m safe from bombs…

The ground no longer feels rough…

You bathe in bathtubs strewn with petals,

Scented candles and bath bubbles…

Scrounging around for a sip of clean water…

Is one of my daily troubles…

You go to work, come home to your families,

Complain about the heat and taxes…

All I worry about is how to stay alive…

In my world, no one ever relaxes…

How I long for not feeling afraid…

And freedom that’s mine to keep…

Clean clothes, a square meal, a roof on my head…

And a night of peaceful sleep.


Dedicated to anyone who thinks their life is tough..please remember that there are people who are dying due to wars, famine,slavery and diseases all over the world. Be thankful for what you are, what you have. It could all be taken away from you in a flash and then what? Don’t take life for granted. Help others. Volunteer. Donate to the UN and other charities who need, DESPERATELY need money to aid people and countries which are facing a humanitarian crisis. Don’t know what I am talking about?

Peace out,

Ladyhawk

 

Free Spirit

I sat under the stars…

Contemplating my life…

An outsider may think its perfect…

To me, it has always been wrought with strife…

I’ve never been really happy…

I’ve never known true peace…

The devil’s constantly whispering in my ears…

If only I could do as I please…

What’s right…what’s wrong?

What’s black…what’s white?

Why can’t I cross the line sometime?

Why can’t I for once NOT be right?

Who makes the rules to rule my life?

Who gets to judge me when I die?

I’m sick of pretending to know the truth…

When my life has been one fat lie.

If only I could do what I want…

If only I could be thoughtless like a child…

No limits, no boundaries, no rules to follow…

How I long to run free and wild.

 

Climate Change & the Paris Agreement

Woke up this morning to read the news which I thought was going to happen anyway. The US backing out of the Paris agreement. People shouldn’t be surprised – look at this image.

Image result for donald trump paris agreement meme

What else do you expect a man like him to do? 

But what exactly is the Paris agreement? A lot of people are talking about it but not a lot of them know what exactly the agreement entails. Why is it a big deal?

First of all – let’s get one fact straight. Unlike what Trump and a lot of other people may believe – climate change is happening. Global temperatures are rising, believe it or not and every day makes a difference. And if we don’t take care – in our own small ways as individuals, collectively as nations and universally, as humans – we are just harming the planet that we call our home.

The Paris agreement was a big deal because it was the first of its kind. 195 countries ratified the agreement where they agreed on the following: (source: Wikipedia)

(a) Holding the increase in the global average temperature to well below 2 °C above pre-industrial levels and to pursue efforts to limit the temperature increase to 1.5 °C above pre-industrial levels, recognizing that this would significantly reduce the risks and impacts of climate change;

(b) Increasing the ability to adapt to the adverse impacts of climate change and foster climate resilience and low greenhouse gas emissions development, in a manner that does not threaten food production;

(c) Making finance flows consistent with a pathway towards low greenhouse gas emissions and climate-resilient development.

In a nutshell – we need to control the increase in global temperature below 2 degrees C if we want to save our Planet.

Trump said that the deal was bad for the US and wasn’t in its best interest. I don’t know the details of what the US planned to do – but the fact of the matter is – he’s doing it for the wrong reasons. Because Obama pushed for it. Because a lot of people who voted for Trump/funded Trump will lose money and jobs if the deal comes through. Which is crap cos there are plenty of jobs that will be created through introducing renewable forms of energy. 

Sure, the world might lose out on a lot of funding from the US which would have helped them to introduce clean, green and renewable forms of energy…this is especially with respect to the developing world.

But the world doesn’t need to get depressed. The rest of the world will continue to try their best to stick to the agreement. Also – the US itself is divided regarding Trumps decision. The states of Washington, California and New York are already going ahead with what they call a Climate Alliance where they will continue to take measures to control emissions and introduce renewable energy across their states. 

Tesla’s Elon Musk and Disney’s Robert Iger quit Donald’s presidential council after this decision. Good for them. But I doubt this would make a difference. He’s too thick-skinned and worried about himself to care about what anyone else might do.

The thing is – like Angela Merkel said – Germany cannot rely on the US or the UK and nor can the rest of the world. There may soon be a new world order. We just need to realize that the US is no longer going to be the so-called Global watchdog and we need to take things into our own hands. If anything – it will help the rest of the world to grow up and for countries like India – to increase their international presence in the global market.

I’m not a big fan of talking about politics nor is my post intended to infuriate people – this is just what I feel about it. For once, I am happy that I am not an American and that I am an Indian. Our PM might have been a controversial figure but he has more common sense than Trump does.

Over and out.