Sweetpeas

This is a work of fiction. Though its inspired by my love for sweetpeas.


I stood there for a while. It was a cold evening, one of the coldest nights of that winter by far. I thought I was warmly clad but I guess something deep inside me was dead or missing.

Dark, right?

I was broken from inside. Or that’s what I’d told her many, many times. Was I trying to convince her or myself?

It didn’t matter anymore though.

I took a deep breath and opened the gate and walked in.


You know, its true that you should never do anything if you aren’t in it a hundred percent.

Like the type of work that you do for instance…assuming most of us spend a third of our day at work, that’s technically a third of your life that you could spend doing something that you hate….Or be with someone you don’t really love…

Love. I don’t think I understood that emotion. Broken – you see.

I’d tried to give her all of me. Or at least I think I tried.

I had been walking aimlessly for a while and I realized that I’d lost my way trying to find her.

I snorted at the irony.

———————–

” I love you.”

While I’d said those words to her I don’t think I really knew how to open my heart and let her in. When she said it back, with those honest eyes of hers I almost flinched. I could never look into them for too long, maybe it was guilt. Maybe it was me, unwilling to give myself up to someone else completely.

I’d hurt her many times. Intentionally…yes, I’d done that in the hope that she would leave me and I could go back to being comfortably numb.

And guess what? She did leave me.


When we’d started dating I’d tried to find out things about her, things that she liked…trying to figure out if there was something that maybe one day I could give her.

‘What’s your favorite flower?’

‘Sweetpeas’. ‘She’d smiled up at me, with a twinkle in her eye.

At that time, I remembered thinking to myself, ‘trust her to pick a flower that I’d never even heard of‘.’



Right now I had a big bouquet of roses and lilies in my hand. Yes, I’d finally mustered up enough courage to go and apologize to her. I’d finally figured out what I wanted to say – stuff I should have said the first night when I’d kissed her in the rain outside an old, seedy pub.

But it was too late.

I finally managed to figure out where her grave was. The bouquet fell from my limp fingers. She didn’t need it. There was a vine of sweet peas growing around her tombstone. They smelt like her. I sat down on a bench near by. I had a feeling I was going to be there for a long, long time.


Missing

You are missing from me…

I wish I could make you see…

That every place with you in it..felt like home…

And now I can’t find it…no matter where I roam…

I miss everything…

Your smile…your big, honest eyes…

I wonder if you miss me like I do…

These feelings are misting up my eyes…

I miss talking to you about the things that I love…

I miss ranting about the things that I hate…

I miss being your rock and talking sense into you…

And being there for each other when our hearts were about to break…

I miss drinking with you…

Listening to lame pop music on a loop…

I miss our random plans…

And how we could chase away each other’s blues…

I deeply regret how things ended…

In my own way I tried to mend it…

After so long I am scared that you forgot me…

For you were one of the the few who really got me…


Hey guys! If you liked this poem – hit the like button and subscribe to my blog and be a part of the fam!

I am also recommending stuff that I like so if you are into fiction try out this book by Richard Bach – another personal favorite that talks about having faith in yourself, the importance of forgiveness and that being persistent pays off.

Update – Recipes on Instagram

While I am yet to finish the story I am working on, I made a new Instagram page for all the silly cooking I do at home.

Disclaimer – I am just an average home-cook but I enjoy pottering in the kitchen now and then so if you are interested in some simple recipes feel free to check it out. My Instagram handle is munchnscrunch!

Over and out!

Ladyhawk

Ladyhawk says Hi & has an update

Hi guys!

This is my 6th year of blogging and after giving it some thought, I have decided to change things a bit for my blog. From now on, I will only be publishing poems or stories on this blog. The rest of my work, well…I will either move it to another blog someday or remove it in its entirety. It would help to focus on being more creative instead of being all over the place.

Most probably I will start another blog about issues that I care a lot about – sustainable development, human rights, animals and the environment.

I will keep all of you posted regarding this. Hope everyone is doing great. :)

Love and Hugs,

Ladyhawk

 

Once Again

Hidden behind a cover of cigarette smoke…

You could see his sad eyes and a heart that broke…

When she left him for good…

If only he’d understood.

How she had waited and waited as the years flew by,

She was always with ‘just another guy’…

Till one came and didn’t let her go…

And she didn’t find a reason to say no.

Still she waited, debated and yearned in vain…

Till she finally decided he wasn’t worth the pain…

So now he’s hiding behind smoke and booze…

Beginning to comprehend what he’s about to lose…

‘I’m not good enough’, he thinks with a rueful smile..

His baby’s going to move away…many a mile…

‘Stop her, do something’, his friends beseech…

So with a pounding heart he runs all the way to her street…

To see an empty house, she left without saying goodbye…

Have you ever seen a grown man cry?

He walks back home, dragging his feet..

‘Wait’! A familiar voice…his heart skips a beat…

She pulls him around by the arm, ‘I didn’t leave’,

‘That’s great,’ he whispers..,’ I know now what it is to really grieve’

He kisses those lips, and then kisses them again…

Love was dulling out the surge of pain..

Daily Prompt : Recharge

So this in response to today’s WordPress daily prompt.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/recharge/

While everyone might talk about spirituality and mental peace … All I can think of is downing this. I can’t because of viral fever. Dang. But I’m sure it has helped a lot of people to recharge. 

In moderation of course. *smirk*


Blog url update

Ola everyone!

The blog url has been changed to https://theladyhawk.wordpress.com
This is just FYI. 

Over and out!

Ladyhawk 

Haze: Part 1

This is a work of fiction.

——

My relationship with the special one was a bit hazy. 

You know, they say you have to go through a lot of frogs to find Prince Charming. I don’t know about Prince Charming but I found an alternative, and he made me feel….nothing.

Like right now. I was getting ready to go out. Black or red? I looked better in black, but there was something about red. The color of love. The color of blood.

I decided to go with the black dress. ‘Red is for sluts’ : hey that’s what Tara said, not me! Tara, my bestie was going to pick me up in another five minutes.

‘You look good’. I turned around. 

There he was, my dirty little secret…sitting on my dressing table.

I smiled cheekily,’I know!’

I stared at him, fighting the urge to give in again. I knew his eyes said ‘You know you want to’….but I ignored him. 

 I heard a sound of a car honking. I grabbed my keys and in my haste, dropped a photograph on my dressing table. It fell down with a crack. I started at it, till the persistent honking of Tara’s Chevrolet made me realise that my special one was right.

‘Will you be here when I get back?’ I whispered. He was one of my biggest sins.

He walked towards me, tucked a strand of hair behind my ear ,’I’m a part of you now,’he whispered, his breath hot on my cheek.

I felt his hand press something into my palm.

‘Something to remember me by’.

I put his parting gift in my purse and walked outside. 

——

 To be continued…

Running

I’m running & running & running…

Here I am, there I go…

See my eyes, shining so bright…

Fearless  & alive, no sign of fright…

I have no time for me, no time to live,

I run, I run, I give & give…

What’s in it for me?

Am I happy inside?

I’m running and running..,

Superstar, I’m stunning…

Slow down…they say…

You’ll lose your way…

I pay no heed,

I sweat, toil and bleed…

I’ll run till I can…

Keep up with me if you can…

And when I crash and burn…

Life will take another turn…

But for now let me be,

As I run towards my destiny.