I Will Remember

I’ll never forget you, my dear…

Of this, have no fear…

Others may drown their sorrow in wine…

Here you’ll be immortalized in prose and rhyme…

Others may need photographs and keepsakes…

On material things I no longer fixate…

For time cannot erase how much to me you meant…

And every single tender moment that was spent…

Frolicking between sheets, breakfast in bed…

All the confessions and what was left unsaid…

Your hair between my fingers, your hands entwined with mine…

The way you made heads turn ‘cos boy you were so damn fine…

I’ll miss those cosy dinners and nights at the bar,

Picnics, quiet times together driving in your car…

The way I quivered every time you held me close…

Made me feel things of which no one else knows…

And then…when you left, the bleeding heart ache…

As if through it you’d driven a stake…

Yes, you are no longer here…You are no longer mine…

But through my words the memory of you will shine…

 

………………..

Fall in love with a writer but beware. Shades of you will echo in how she would write about love and so, you will live on, in a distant corner of her heart and mind.

 

Advertisements

She

When she was born,

You didn’t want her…

‘Couldn’t give me a son’…

You loved to berate your wife and taunt her…

And when you had a son, he went to the better school,

You personally drove him to his cricket coaching class,

While she didn’t even have dolls to play with…

Her smile annoyed you, ‘She has too much sass’…

You grudgingly sent her to college,

And made sure she felt guilty about the expense…

And even the fact that she topped her class,

Didn’t matter to you, not even a cent…

To your horror she said she wanted to work,

Be independent, stand on her two feet…

‘But what about your marriage plans?’,you spluttered…

‘I have arranged for a boy for you to meet.’

So you forced her to meet random strangers,

Put her on display, like she was a thing…

Settled what her future would be in one meeting…

Forced her to put on that engagement ring…

You ignored your wife’s million requests,

You ignored the muffled sobs from your daughter’s room…

‘I’m doing what’s right for her, we won’t find a family like this’….

And so withered a flower that was meant to bloom…

Marry him, she did – as per your wish…

And he beat her for what she couldn’t give,

All the things he had asked for in dowry,

And pain at the hands of a man she again had to relive…

Bruised and broken, she asked for your help,

But the doors to your house were closed…

You left her alone, helpless and bereft of a way out,

So when she died, the way the men in her life treated her was exposed…

But it was too late,

No one could bring her back…

Empathy towards its women,

Is something our country lacks.


Makes me ashamed to call myself an Indian. I am lucky to come from a well-educated family, but not every girl is lucky. Many are forced to marry at a young age or forced to give up their daughters. They face verbal and physical abuse on a daily basis and silently put up with it. Indian men need to treat their women better. Big time.

Over and out,

Ladyhawk

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Weary Heart

My weary heart…

Treads alone on this lonesome path…

Leaving you and what you brought, behind…

Your lies and your words, oh so unkind.

Tossed around like a rag doll,

No more…I’m not your plaything…

Common sense, this time to you I will listen…

I must get away from him…my footsteps quicken.

Your ‘love’ is a joke…

In my brain, it’s a chemical imbalance…

It’s not for me, not for me…

My heart and my brain whisper this to me.

Pain leaves a wet trail on my cheeks,

Breathlessness, a missed heartbeat…

My body screams out in distress to me…

So first, I must learn how to take care of me.

You have to be your own hero…

Watch out for those who dim the light in your soul…

My weary heart has had it too rough…

And finally I’ve had the courage to say ‘Enough’

For on my own I am complete, long before I met you,

And I don’t need anyone to mend what’s broken…

I’ll do it myself, I’ll shine – I’ll be ME!

Of your untrue love, my weary heart will be free.

 


 

Dedicated to anyone who is in a toxic or abusive (emotional or physical) relationship. No, I am not talking about mine. I am fine. I am talking to those people who need to leave the ‘soul – suckers’ and break free from the cycle of negativity. You do you! You can do it, you are strong. You are complete.

Love,

Ladyhawk

Ladyhawk says Hi & has an update

Hi guys!

This is my 6th year of blogging and after giving it some thought, I have decided to change things a bit for my blog. From now on, I will only be publishing poems or stories on this blog. The rest of my work, well…I will either move it to another blog someday or remove it in its entirety. It would help to focus on being more creative instead of being all over the place.

Most probably I will start another blog about issues that I care a lot about – sustainable development, human rights, animals and the environment.

I will keep all of you posted regarding this. Hope everyone is doing great. :)

Love and Hugs,

Ladyhawk

 

When you fall

The time was never right for us,

We never were really meant to be…

Even now I wonder who you are?

What exactly do you mean to me?

You are not a friend,

Nor are you a foe…

You don’t have my best interest at heart,

You’ve been an unhappy person from the start…

My love you spurned,

And later for it you yearned…

But those three little words you couldn’t utter…

So now in frustration you seethe and mutter…

I extended my hand once more,

Let’s be friends, you shrugged;’sure’,

But you knew nothing about being a true friend…

And even less about how to make amends…

Every time that you hurt me,

I took you back…

My fault was in turning a blind eye..

To the things you lack…

So who are you to me?

You are nothing at all…

And this time I won’t be here to pick you up…

When you fall.

Bloodmoon

She is a creature of the night…beautiful and dangerous…she’s been hunting for her soulmate and she finds him…but he’s not the same…alas!!


Bloodmoon…the time when passions surge…

You know its futile to suppress this growing urge…

To make you mine, once and for all…

These plans of mine, I will not stall…

You are mine, I claim this right…

I will make my move tonight…

Kiss you under the milky way,

Stay with you till the break of day…

With the first ray of sunlight I’ll flee…

But rest assured I’ll be thinking of thee…

And I will make you pine for me…

I like how I can make your eyes shine for me…

I know what I want, I get what I desire…

I know how to set your heart on fire…

And when darkness sets I’ll be by your side…

Your hidden secret, your vampire bride.

Revenge – Part 3

This is a work of fiction. I swear.

For part 1 click here.

For part 2 click here.


I waited till it was 2 in the morning. I parked a few blocks away from his house and took a deep breath…I was in a dingy lane with no street lights. I reached out under my seat and took out the steering lock. It was old,heavy and rusting –  a hand-me-down from my father who thought I could use it when I was driving home late from work.

What a joke. My father did not know that I had a gun. And that I was a pretty good shot. Nope, the less he knew the better. See, I had inherited his foul temper and a gun in a hot- head’s hands is never a good idea.

Why was I talking about guns? Was I going to shoot this chump? Nope. Like I said, I didn’t intend to go to jail for a person like him. It wasn’t worth it.

I put a scarf around my face, covering it completely apart from my eyes and my hoodie on top. I was quite sure no would recognize me. I walked up to his apartment complex. Complex…it was more like a stand alone building which should have gone for redevelopment a few years ago. It was a miracle that it hadn’t collapsed so far.

The watchman was snoring at his post…like always. I carefully went over to the side and chuckled. There it was, the same hole in the wall…through which he used to smuggle me in. But I wasn’t going to crawl. Nope. Like a boss, I climbed over the wall (it was barely like 4 feet) and made my way to the back, where his apartment was.

I wasn’t sure if the building had any security cameras…looking at the shape it was in I doubted it. I stood outside his bathroom and sure enough, I could hear the shower running. He was always one for taking long baths. I held on to the iron tightly, a wave of anticipation rushed over my entire body.

I walked a couple of steps towards his kitchen window and gave it a little push.

He never bothered locking up. His logic was, there was nothing worth stealing. I climbed into his kitchen, quite pleased with myself.

I turned around and then gasped.


His place looked terrible. He’d always been a bit untidy but this was something else…dishes were piled in the sink and by the look of it, no one had washed them for a few days. There were old pizza and burger boxes stacked untidily in a corner. I steered clear of them, the odor from them would have knocked out anyone with a strong sense of smell.

I walked into his bedroom, which was in a similar state. His guitar was lying in a corner, gathering dust. A dozen odd whiskey bottles were strewn on a table and …’ What the…’

I picked up a packet with what I knew very well was heroin. Don’t ask me how. I heard his bathroom door open and I scrambled and hid behind an old wooden cupboard.


I could see him, from where I was hiding. See him all too well.

He’d lost weight. A lot of it and not in a good way.

He sat down on his bed and poured himself a drink. And then another. And a third. And then he reached out for the heroin packet. I closed my eyes, not wanting to see the state that he had reduced himself to. I waited for twenty more minutes to the point where was sprawled on the bed, snoring gently.

Loosening my grip on the iron, I walked over to where he was sleeping. His arms had marks all over them, he evidently had been using for quite a while.

Suddenly I felt pity and oh I don’t know…sad? This was after all someone who I had loved and to see like this…I left the same way I had crept in to his house.

When I finally sat inside my car, I started crying. What an idiot I was. I cried and cried and cried. I felt angry at myself, for trespassing and invading his privacy. I felt sad at seeing what he had become. And also, I felt guilty that karma had finally caught up with him. In a terrible way.

Revenge…what revenge…he needed help. I would call up a mutual friend and tell him to get him checked into rehab. That’s all that I could do. That’s all I would do.

I started my car and drove back home. Something inside had changed. Maybe all the hurt and anger had subsided. Hopefully for good. I’d been holding on to this for too long and it had almost turned me into a what…an intruder? Someone violent? Maybe more? I didn’t want to think about the monster inside me.

Not good. I shook my head. Things had to change. But for now, I could do with a good night’s sleep.


 

Worry About This

Sorry to disturb you from your bliss,

But I think you need to worry about this…

Humanity is divided, when will we learn?

Is there any joy in watching each other burn?

Don’t feel like watching the news…

Looks like every one is going to blow a fuse…

Gimme a break, I want out…

What the fuck is the fuss all about?

Our polar ice is melting,

In other parts of the world its sweltering…

And some people say global warming’s a farce,

They need a kick up their arse.

Genocide’s on the rise…

But the world turns a blind eye…

First it was the Jews, now its the Kurds…

And all we are is a bunch of turds.

Human – trafficking, rape and murder…

She said ‘TIME’S UP’ and I hope you heard her…

Madmen on the loose, threats of nuclear war…

I guess humanity hasn’t come very far…

Driven by greed, we suppress and oppress,

Creating an even bigger mess…

I wish we could all just get along,

With love, we could be so very strong…

But all we do is hate and hate and hate…

We need to change…before it is too late…


 

Don’t think you are better than anyone because of the color of your skin…or your religion or which language you speak, which country you belong to. Remember when you die – you’ll be alone. You came into this world alone. Just like everyone else. 

Teach your children the meaning of respect – for others and EMPATHY for fucks sake. Empathy spans across all this shit which is the very reason why the entire world is in chaos right now. Open your eyes – and choose to be kind and oh – not so judgmental of people who act differently, dress differently and think or speak differently. We are all human. We are made of the same components – oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, calcium, and phosphorus.

Get the EFF over yourself and help to make this planet a better place for your kids and grand kids to live in.

Peace out,

A rather fed – up ladyhawk

 

 

 

 

Revenge – Part 2

For part 1 click here.


I followed him for 15 – 20 minutes and as I did I realized two things. One, this was a familiar route. I’d walked down this path, many times with him…many years ago which meant he was still staying in his dinky excuse of an apartment.

Back when we were kids it wasn’t so bad, but now…I smirked to myself. At least I’d moved up in life, even if he hadn’t.

The second thing I realized was that since I knew he still stayed at the same place, there was no need for me to follow him…I needed to go home and think.

I stopped abruptly in my tracks and turned around. I walked all the way to my car and put the AC on full blast. This hot head needed to cool down first.

After a few minutes, I allowed my mind to wander back to him. I winced. Again, that stupid pain in my chest. I swear, I could give my self a heart attack just by thinking about shit like this.

I still hated him. Oh how I hated him.

But what did I want to do about it? What could I do about it?

There were a lot of erratic thoughts running through my head. Some of them involved taking a cricket bat and breaking into his home and wrecking everything to breaking a few of his bones.

Physical violence. I took a deep breath. That was a new low. To despise someone to the point where you wanted to see them bleed. And not literally.

I dismissed that thought from my head. I wasn’t going to do something like that, even though I really, really wanted to.

An old memory flashed through my mind, the sight of him on top of his colleague from work, in that very apartment… one day after we had celebrated our first year anniversary. Surprise!

I’d flown into  rage then, but he hadn’t faced it…no. I had a mini meltdown in a shady alley behind his house and then I’d walked home in a daze – never to hear from him again.

A part of me wondered…why didn’t I ever go back to his house? Why didn’t I accost him? Why didn’t I do anything? Why didn’t I slap the shit out of that whore?

I guess I was in shock. Believe me, I was. I’d spent like a week crying in bed and then I switched off….and started working my ass off so that I didn’t have time to think about him. Your cliched heart – broken girl. What a joke. He never tried to contact me. And I never asked why.

What could I do? What should I do?

I knew what I would do. I knew what I needed. I slowly turned my car around, in the direction of his house. He wasn’t going to like this one bit.


To be continued….

Revenge – Part 1

This is a work of fiction.

—————

They say you should be careful about who you rub the wrong way. The world is small, and you can bump into someone you hurt or wronged and then, karma won’t be the only one that sorts you out.

Look at me for instance. I was walking on Sunshine Boulevard, minding my business. It was a hot day, sweat was actually pouring down my face and in a long, long time I was feeling good. Maybe it was because of the extra pounds that I had shed. I looked and felt good.

So here I was, having a great day. I happened to look across the street and I saw him. Oh don’t even ask me for his name. I’d met him many, many years ago and he’d broken my heart to the point of no repair. I’d blamed him for my cynicism and overall negative outlook for many years later on in life till I forgot about him…time does that. It helps you to forget. So then why the efff was time shoving him into my face again?

I felt my blood boil. Hate. That’s what I felt. I was surprised at myself. I thought I had dealt with all the anger but nope, it was still stuck somewhere deep inside.

He was sitting alone on a bench, fiddling with his mobile. One of the qualities which I absolutely hated in him.

There were a thousand questions I wanted to ask him. Why did you leave? Why did you lie and cheat? Why did you vanish over night without a goodbye or an explanation? Why did you abandon me?

But I didn’t want to hear the answers. No, I wanted to hurt him.

He got up and started walking. In two minutes I would lose sight of him.

‘Not happening’, I muttered to myself. I zipped up my jacket, put my hoodie on and followed him. A strange thrill swept through my body, the thrill of doing something I shouldn’t be doing. I smiled. This was going to be good.


To be continued…