Ruminator – Part 3

Click on the links for the previous posts:

Part 1

Part 2


I was at Fatboy’s Cafe…with you know…a couple of Fat Boys. Too much beer I guess. I took a big sip from my pitcher and wondered how long my liver would withstand this nonsense.

Randy, the bartender & I were now on friendly terms…on account of me having made this place my second…I mean third home. I checked my phone to see if there were any messages. From..you know…anyone…

Nada. Zilch. I was all alone. No mail in my mailbox. No text in my inbox. No friends. No Family. Nothing.

A normal person would have felt sorry for themselves I guess but I was past that.

A simple choice lay before me. I could continue to go down this path…and well…it would end badly or I could choose to get off this now…like today…and get a bit of normalcy back.

Normal. I didn’t like the sound of it. No, normal me was boring. Normal me would wake up in a bad mood, have a cup of coffee, rush to get ready in the morning…spend the entire day navigating through loads of BS at work, mentally kill my boss and colleagues at least three times, come back home, hit the gym and run till I couldn’t move and then collapse on my bed with some take out food and Netflix.

Normal me.

I took a deep breath. I impatiently tapped on my phone to find a phone of the one. Yeah…the one that got away. Not my ex. Or the one before him.

I deleted that photo. I deleted his number. And then I regretted it. But it had to be done.

I ordered a second round of beer, ignoring Randy’s disapproving look.

I wrote a long mail to my father telling him we were done and I never wanted to see his face again. Judge me all you want…he’d been an asshole of a parent and I was better off without him. I’d stopped getting angry at him. I was at a stage of indifference.

I wrote a mail to my HR, telling her I would be joining back in two weeks. Two weeks. I felt a bit scared. I didn’t know if I was ready to head back into the big, bad world just yet. Well…only time would tell.

Lastly, I called up Cheryl.

“I was wondering when you would call. Where are you?”

“Fatboy’s.”

After half an hour she walked in, looking stern.

“You look like shit.”

“Do not!” I spluttered as I put my glasses back on to hide my dark circles.

She smiled and sat down beside me.

Randy looked at me and scowled, “Another one of your drunken friends?”

I scowled back with equal ferocity,”Shut up and do your job.”

He grinned at me and looked at Cheryl,”She’s my favorite so far. I’d even ask her out if she’d clean up her act.”

Cheryl snorted. “She’s fucking crazy. Don’t do it.”

Both of them grinned at each other. I scowled, pretending to be annoyed where as I was secretly pleased to know that at least two people in this God Damn world cared.

“So tell me…what’s been going on?” Cheryl spoke to me, her voice unnaturally gentle. I sniffed.

I looked at her and shook my head,”No, I won’t whine anymore. I just want you to know I’m sorry for being this way but..”

“I know honey!” Cheryl interrupted me.” I know I have been harsh…I’m sorry. I’m there for you.”

She gave my hand a tiny squeeze and to my horror, I felt a lump in my throat. Both of us sat there in silence…me – drinking my beer and her – squeezing my hand and teasing me about Randy.

After a long time, I smiled and I realized…I didn’t like being alone. No…it kind of sucked.

Over and out.

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Ruminator – Part 1

Ruminator. That’s what my bestie…or rather, ex – bestie called me. I liked the sound of it. It kind of rhymed with Terminator. Made me feel bad ass.

I took a swig of beer from bottle number…who knew? I looked over to the left, there was somebody in my bed. I really couldn’t remember who. But he snored which meant that I was out of there. I had a hazy idea of how he landed up there.

NO. I didn’t invite him over. You see, me and a couple of my ..er…my drinking buddies (for lack of a better word) were hanging out. This guy, he said…he wanted to piss so all of us stopped at my place since it was the closest and then carried on to the next bar down the lane…I guess he was so drunk that he passed out on my bed.

Leaving my own apartment to run away from a snorer? Yeah well, I live in a fancy, studio apartment which didn’t have anything precious unless he decided to wreck it while leaving…

I chewed on my lip, scribbled a ‘let yourself out’ note, grabbed my keys and walked out. To where? To my other house which was around twenty minutes away on foot. So I decided to walk. I wasn’t drunk enough not to walk.

Yeah yeah…call me a spoilt, rich daddy’s girl. I wasn’t any of that. I hated my dad and all I had, was from my own hard work. I was a lawyer, currently on sabbatical following a very nasty divorce but hell, I was loving it.

My ex – husband’s house was ten minutes away. God, I hated his guts. He actually had the gall to tell me he still loved me. I’m pretty sure that he did.

I walked slowly, taking an occasional swig from the bottle. He did but it wasn’t of any use. You see, I was damaged goods by the time he & I had started dating.

Yes, I was.

I hadn’t realized that till after the shotgun wedding but anyway…I was home. I wearily climbed into bed and before I knew it, I was asleep.


To be continued…

Haze : Part 2

For part one please scroll down…unable to attach the link for some reason. :( 

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The music was loud…too loud.

 I’d been to this lounge before, many years ago. My friends were busy dancing in a group, a bunch of girls with loud make – up, long legs and in summer dresses. 

I looked around from my seat at the corner of the bar. I’d managed to sneak away unnoticed after an hour of trying to have fun. Yes, after the first month since THAT had happened I got pretty good at pretending. What had happened? Well, I won’t tell you right now.

I was so good at pretendng to be happy when I was not. Pretending to function like a human being when I felt hollow inside. Pretending to feel anything when I felt as though nothing could penetrate through the pain inside of me. 

The dance floor was getting smoky now. Great. That’s all I needed. No, I wasn’t being sarcastic. It would help me to be more…inconspicuous. 

I could sense the stranger on my right trying to make eye contact with me. He was good looking. Not creepy. Well dressed. But I continued to ignore him. 

I reached into my purse and took out the little something my special one had given to me. I felt it in the palm of my hand, between my fingers and then I placed it between my lips and downed it with my margarita. Smooth. 

The music didn’t seem to be so loud anymore. I felt a little light. The constriction in my chest was gone. The tall stranger next to me was fidgeting with his cell phone. I turned around to try making small talk with him but I froze as my eyes spotted HIM.

My special one was here. Across the room. Had he followed me? I didn’t care. I was both happy and angry to see him.

He walked up to where I was sitting and put his hands on my waist from behind. I could feel his lips on my ears. “I missed you.”

I closed my eyes. Everything was a bit of a haze now. It was perfect.

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To be continued….