The Girl I Loved – Part 1

This is a work of fiction.

I clearly remember the first time I met Jennie. Right now…it feels like a dream because it happened many years ago but it was real. At least I thought it was. We barely spoke but I couldn’t help feeling like I knew her from before. Plus she had beautiful, long blonde hair which amplified her beauty and I was a sucker for women who liked to take care of themselves.

I’d asked my friend Sherrie to set me up with someone and surprisingly enough – Jennie was available. Anyway Jennie had no clue about the set up…I decided to keep it to myself since I was in the process of getting over a nasty break up. Plus I was in town for a few weeks and it wasn’t enough to sustain a new relationship.

Man…I guess you could say I was full of excuses.

I pursued her doggedly – grabbing whatever opportunity I could get to spend time with her. . . taking her for bike rides, picnics at the beach and drinking wine at her favorite places.

We met a couple of time and nothing happened. Or rather, I didn’t really push her too much…I was happy meeting her and hanging out with her whenever we could…I didn’t make a move because I felt she was out of my league…or maybe I was scared to be vulnerable.

Manly men like me are conditioned to be gruff and tough. I wanted to show her more of me…what lay inside my heart but I guess I didn’t know how to do it.

Till something happened. Imagine my surprise when one day while saying good bye after a particularly nice date she demanded – literally demanded that I should kiss her.

That kiss changed everything. It was one of the most memorable nights of my life.

Till I fucked up.

To be continued…..


Malady – Part 1

Disclaimers first – this is a work of fiction.



I lay in my bed for a long, long time.

I did not know the difference between day and night.

My eyes would open when they were tired of being shut.

And they shut when they hurt from all the crying.

I heard the sound of a siren and jumped out of my skin. I rushed from my bed to the window, my heart hoping it was you. It had to be. HAD TO BE.

The police car whizzed by in a blur, just the way you did.

You are beautiful….I can’t believe this.’

I could remember that night so clearly, the night when I realized that I was gone. Gone – man – GONE!

You ran your hands through my hair and kissed me, murmuring sweet nothings into my ear. My flimsy satin dress was flying up and there I was, holding on to it with both hands to keep it down while you devoured my lips like a hungry beast.

I was sitting on the edge of the window of your hotel’s balcony – we were so high up that I could barely see the ground. I should have been scared but I wasn’t.

No, with you I could be wild, impulsive and free.

You sat down next to me and we kissed for what felt like hours, your hands holding me tight. Your big, manly hands which made me feel so safe.

I could feel my heart racing, so could you…for you placed your hand on my chest and laughed mockingly at how fast it was pounding.

We looked into each other’s eyes…a rare intimate moment…the intensity was so sizzling I couldn’t bear it.

I traced my fingers around your jawline…around your scar which you proudly claimed was won during a nasty knife fight with a felon. You thought it was ugly but I loved it. I loved that smile that you had but it made me feel afraid. It was a smile of victory for you knew you’d conquered me and it scared the shit out of me.

But you had managed to break through all my walls…and the feeling of being so vulnerable made me giddy.

When I felt your lips on my neck I knew I was in trouble.

Trouble all right.

I shook my head, forcibly stopping myself from reminiscing.

I wish now, I could find a way to fight this malady…


To be continued……………







The Other Woman – Part 3

For Part 1 – Click Here

For Part 2 – Click here

It started off with her snooping around my Instagram feed. Yeah, I wasn’t dumb – I could figure out that she’d viewed a couple of my stories.

A part of me panicked, the other part wanted to warn him. And yet – another part felt smug about it.

Yeah, I stole your man. Well at least the part of him that wasn’t yours – that could never be yours because it was mine.

I know I sound crazy. But if you’ve ever loved two people at the same time you will understand what I mean.

Then to my horror, I saw her at this coffee shop one day out of the blue. I used to go there every weekend in the morning for my daily fix of cappuccino and there she was. I’d never seen her there before. The shop was at least 8 miles away from where she lived so I had a bad feeling about this. Luckily I spotted her right when I was entering the shop. I did a quick U turn and left.

I thought a lot and then I called his office from a pay phone.


‘It’s me.’

There was silence and then ‘Sadie. We agreed not to..’

I interrupted him. ‘She was at the coffee shop. She knows, doesn’t she?’

‘Let’s meet. 6 o’clock.’

I put the phone down and sighed. This was bad.

‘She doesn’t know much. She found your picture – asked me about it.’ He looked tired, like he hadn’t slept.

‘Picture?’ Didn’t we have a no photo policy?

‘Yeah, I know but I’d kept one of your photos…just a random one nothing shady   on my phone and she was snooping and she came across it. Asked me a ton of questions. I told her we were friends, we had met at a few social events a couple of years ago and that’s it.’

I asked him for the photo and sighed. He’d downloaded one from my Facebook where I was sitting in the same God – Damn coffee shop. Goodbye Jenna’s Coffee Shop – I’d have to find a new place.

He took my face in his hands and kissed my forehead. ‘Don’t worry. I won’t ever let anything happen to you. You are safe. Things between us are rocky and that’s why she’s getting paranoid.’

I looked at him. ‘Ted. Are there any others?’

He looked at me and then looked away, his face impassive. ‘Do you really want to know?’

That night we made love for the last time. He knew it. I knew it. We just didn’t acknowledge it.

I was a fool. In the end…to him, I was just another woman in his list of conquests. I didn’t need any answers. I knew him well enough and I’d had my doubts in the past. I was a fool to feel hurt about it.

My phone buzzed. It was my first text message from him since we’d started our affair.

‘You were special. You meant something. You weren’t just anybody for me. Maybe we will cross paths someday down the line. In a way I loved you. You were more than just the other woman, that’s what you like calling yourself. You are much more.’

I smiled a tearful smile and drove away.


The end.


You Loved Me , Not

You said that you must leave,

So I let you go…

I watched you pack and walk out of my house…

Helpless, I stood at the door…

As your footsteps faded…I walked towards my window..

To see if you’d turn to look at me…

Hoping that you’d change your mind..

Once you saw that you meant the world to me…

But you didn’t…

You drove away without a glance…

I ran downstairs, hoping for God knows what…

Maybe that you’d give me a second chance.

You called me later that night,

Asking if we could be friends…

If I was all right…

But I knew this is how our story ends…

You came into my life like a whirlwind…

You were always on my mind…

And now that you have gone for ever…

I shouldn’t keep trying to rewind…

Replay all the moments we shared…

But what’s the point when I forgot…

I loved you!

But you loved me not…






3 AM – Part 4

For part 1 – Click Here

For part 2 – Click Here

For part 3 – Click Here

3 PM

I try Bart’s number for the fifth time. A week’s over and there’s been no news from him. I’ve been waking up every other night ‘cos of Baxter’s weird behavior and I’m a bit sick of it.

‘Finally!’  I almost yell into the phone.

‘I know I am late, I’ll be back in 3 days. How are you?’ Bart sounds unabashed.

‘Your damn dog’s been working the graveyard shift and I DO NOT appreciate it.’

Bart coughs into the phone and sighs, ‘Look, Baxter is heart-broken ok? It has been a few months since her pup died and she always cries at night. The vet told us it would pass and to be frank, it is getting better.’

I look across the room at Baxter, who is currently in a state of bliss, asleep on her back after a big meal.

‘I didn’t know that.’ I mumble into the phone.

5 PM

I walk back to my bed and open my laptop. Today’s the day I start working from home. There are over 20 get well soon messages and e-cards from my colleagues. I scan through them briefly, sending everyone a simple ‘thank you’.

8 PM

After a few hours, I check my phone. The messages have also stopped. Now that you know that I am on the mend, you’ve dropped all pretense of caring. You scumbag. You…. You haven’t called. You haven’t dropped by. You have vanished into thin air – like you were never there. Fuck you.

I put my laptop aside and hobble to my fridge. There’s an old tub of ice cream which doesn’t smell like it’s expired. I search my collection of CD’s for something sad – ah – The Notebook. I put on my giant flat screen tv, hoping that the movie will evoke some emotions that I badly need to release.

What a dumb girl I am.

But sure enough – after an hour into the movie I’m bawling. And you know what – so is Baxter. The moment she heard my first sob, the dumb dog crawled into my lap. I think it was partly to beg for a bit of ice cream. But also to give me a few comforting licks and whimper and snuggle with me. Damn dog. She’s kind of cute.

For the first time I give her a hug. Here we are. Man and animal. Comforting each other. So this is why people are mad about dogs. For being all dumb and cuddly and gooey. Huh. Perhaps I won’t return her to Bart after all.

10 PM

I feel a bit better once the movie ends. I feel like I have a lot of sorrow left in me…but this is good for now.

I look at my phone and yep – true to form not a peep. I take a deep breath and delete your number. I mean – I know it by heart so it doesn’t really matter but I do it anyway. It’s a sign of moving on, isn’t it?

I put my phone on silent and pull Baxter close to me. Something tells me we are not going to wake up tonight, in a long time.

3 AM – Part 2

For Part 1 – Click here.

3 AM

I wake up suddenly. It’s one of those dreams where you feel like you are falling and about to hit the ground. Bam! I am sure you know what I am talking about. Apparently almost everyone has had this dream at some point.

It has been two weeks since I got hit.

I am home now, on sick leave…it still hurts when I more around but I am on the mend…well at least as far as my broken bones are concerned.

My heart and mind…not so much. I check my cell phone. There’s a shitty message from you from last night : ‘Hope you are feeling better.’

I snort loudly to myself. Hope I am feeling better? I wonder where you are. I wonder, why when I was sick all of this time – you couldn’t find even five minutes to come and see me? How about calling me?

No, all I get is one shitty message per day, asking me if I am better. At 10 PM sharp. Well done boy, you’ve done your duty of expressing your concern. Thanks but no thanks.

Exhaustion takes over and I fall asleep, despite my determination to stay awake and feel sorry for myself.

11 AM

My body hurts. I get up slowly, trying not to stretch anything that would hurt more. As always, I’ve forgotten to take the painkillers. They weren’t supposed to be good for the liver, were they?

I check my cell phone again. Not a peep from you.

I slowly make myself a cup of coffee and call my mom, who lives a million miles away. I reassure her in my fake peppy voice that I’m okay and no, I don’t need her to fly down and take care of me.

I end the call quickly.

I feel a lump forming in my throat and I have a split second to decide whether to bawl my lungs out or to swallow it with another sip of coffee. I choose the latter. For now.

I run my hands through my hair and realize that I haven’t washed them for over ten days now. Yikes. Maybe I could go to the salon across the street…if I could hobble across in my current state. I dismiss it as a bad idea.

My door bell rings. Pidiiiiing! 

Half of me is hoping that it’s you. But it’s not. It’s my neighbor, Bart.

I see his ruddy red face through the peephole, trying to contemplate whether I want to deal with his annoying cheerfulness but he doesn’t leave me with much of a choice.

‘ Sandra! I know you are in there! Open up.’

I take a deep sign of exasperation and put on a fake smile, ‘Heeeey!’

To be continued.




3 AM – Part 1

This is a work of fiction. I don’t know how many parts there will be. Let’s see, shall we?


3 AM.

A year ago you would have been by my side, snoring softly. I would have gently nudged you and the snoring would have ceased, long enough for me to drift back to sleep. And I’d wake up to your head on my shoulder, somehow you managed to make your way to me every night through your dreams, across the distance of two feet that initially separated us on the bed. I was so content.

3 AM.

Two years ago we would have been talking into the wee hours of the night. That initial phase where you know, you want to spend all of your time with that ‘someone new’. Where being a zombie the next day is something you look forward to. It’s like a battle scar that even two cups of black coffee cannot cure. Ah. New love is bliss.

3 AM.


I’m lying on a hospital bed, trying not to panic. I’m alone. Where are you? I don’t see you as much as I used to. You don’t smile like you did in my company.

But for now, I’m scared. In this big city I’m all alone. The doctors told me to call for someone to sign a consent form. I’ve been hit by a motorcycle and have apparently fractured my ribcage. They want to fix it. I don’t know why it’s not hurting. Maybe the pain is numbing me out.

3:15 AM.


They decide not to wait any longer and operate. I’m trying to figure out what’s wrong with me, but I can’t feel anything, can’t move anything.

Everything goes black.


At first sight

I am sitting in a coffee shop, minding my own business. Well kind of, I seem to have forgotten my book in the hotel and I’m feeling too lazy to go back and get it. Even though it means just a 5 minute walk, I decided against it. Of Indian origin, but by birth an American, I’m not too keen to step into the blistering heat.

So I take out my phone and start playing around with it. I log into my gmail account and see that she’s online. I sigh.

I had met her a couple of days ago through  a common friend…only for a few minutes but I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Perhaps she felt the same way…I still remember the startled look in her eyes when she first saw me. There was something pleasing about that look.

I pestered my friend to give me her number.

“You’ll get me in serious trouble.” Anita had muttered as she messaged her number to me. Then she had seen the stupid grin on my face and rolled her eyes.

We’d been texting each other on and off. Not too much, but enough to show that we were interested. She even thought I was a good looking guy. Damn, I couldn’t help smiling like an idiot when I read that message.

The sad thing was, I was leaving. To go back tomorrow. I wanted to see her again. But I knew that wasn’t going to happen…my friends here had made sure that I had a good time when I was here and I was never alone. Not that I was complaining. But I wanted to see her once before I left.


Its 1 in the morning. I’m still texting her. I think she’s sleepy.

I wish I could stay. But this was a prescheduled trip.

I stare at what I just sent her and sigh. Well it’s the truth.

I wish you could stay longer…oh well..:(.

I read her message and smile. Oh well.

What time are you leaving?

Have to reach the airport by 6 PM tomorrow.

She sends me another sad smiley. We say good night.


The next day, I wake up late. To a message from her.

Ditch your friends an hour before you leave. I’ll drop you at the airport. Gosh, this is so retarded.

I rub my eyes. It is retarded. But its fantastic. None of my mates can drop me off anyway. I frown. This is ridiculous. But then…this might very well be the last time I ever see her. Life is all about taking chances, right?



She reaches promptly at 5. I panic, look at myself in the mirror, remind my self that she thinks I am good looking. I take my bags and walk to the elevator. The elevator opens to the hotel lobby and there she is – sitting on a chair, my heart stops.

She looks up and smiles.

This is going to be fantastic.